


I saw you, you were lost and I was found.

by LHismutual



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Abusive Relationship, Angst, Bookworm Louis, Chaptered, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, Depression, Drugs, Eventual Smut, Famous Harry, Fluff, France (Country), Halloween, Harry as the Prince, Hate to Love, Holidays, Love, M/M, Mentions of Death, Musician Harry, Non-Famous Louis Tomlinson, OT5, Party, Popular Harry, Popular Niall, Rich Harry, Rich Niall, Sexual Assault, Smart Harry, Smart Louis, Smut, Travel, Unrequited Love, Wait for the smut, booze, fuck boy harry, happy end, subtexts, they share that really, ziam af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-02-19 16:44:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 38,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13127574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LHismutual/pseuds/LHismutual
Summary: Some people, people like Louis, are genuine. Others, those like Harry, deserve to be.-Shakespeare was wrong, all the world is not a stage and a true prince doesn't need any crown. -





	1. Lavender Blue

**Author's Note:**

> Most of the caracters and places are made obviously. this fic mentions sexual assault, depression, an abusive relationship but also sex, booze and drugs use so if you don't feel comfortable with those subjects take a deep breath. 
> 
> Don't hesitate to comment !  
> Hope you'll like it xx

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And then I saw him, his chocolate fringe was falling on his eyes, he replaced it with the back of his hand in a gracious gesture. His long eyelashes fluttered, I stared blankly, facing the hero of my tragedy.

 

September, hello third year.

 

Louis was beaming, one more year and uni would over. One more year and he would leave for France and have his teaching diploma. Ten months. Tom had been his boyfriend for 3 months. Tom was caring, understanding, goofy. They had met during a summer party and spent their holidays together, watching movies, playing football and, well, fucking.

 

**⁎**

 ‘Fuck me if I care.’ Louis bitched.

‘For god sake, get your ass out of this sofa L.’

‘Ok, calm down Li. Damn it.’ Louis said, dragged by Liam.

‘It’s a cool club. Plus, I’m sure you’ll love Ni.’ Louis scoffed and replaced his hair.

‘I hate people. I hate you. You’re the worst roommates ever.’ Zayn bit his lip not to laugh.

‘You hate uni too and you go there 4 days a week, anyways you’re stuck with us.’ Liam added.

‘Only for Mr. Dubois.’ Zayn laughed this time.

‘Come on, man. I don’t want to be late. We already missed the happy hour.’ Liam kept dragging him out of the apartment.

‘Let me call Tom first.’

‘Already called him. You’re welcome.’ Zayn said putting a cigarette between his lips. 

**⁎**

When they arrived at the club, most of people were dancing on tables and some weren’t wearing clothes anymore. There was a DJ and a disco ball. At first glance you’d have thought  the club was lame, one of those Irish pubs in the big avenues. Yet, the atmosphere was very friendly. There was a sign above the bar ‘One free shot if you kiss Murphy’, it made Louis smile. For a second he wondered if it was worth the try.

 

‘Niall’s uncle owns the place. Look, here’s our guy.’ Zayn pointed at a guy with a grey beret, a red electric guitar and the brightest smile on his face.

When Niall saw Zayn, his face brightened up even more. He climbed down the table (yes because he had been playing guitar on the table), gave his guitar to a random guy and hugged Zayn joyfully.

‘Man, it’s been so long! It’s so good to see you!’ He hugged him again. If Niall was a planet he would be the Sun.

‘Back in town for good?’ Zayn said replacing his hair behind his ears.

‘I think so yeah! Had a craic in Jamaica but I was getting bored.'  He turned to Liam. ‘Who are you, beautiful young man?’

‘Liam, my boyfriend. ‘Zayn said proudly.

‘That’s me boy!’ Niall said cheerfully before greeting Liam as a friend, finally he turned to Louis.‘Nice to meet you man!’

‘Glad to meet you, I’m louis.’ Niall hugged him so tight he lifted him.

‘OI ! BRADEN!’ the bar tender shouted back. ‘Free drinks for those three. Drinks on me guys.’ He winked at Louis.

 

The party was insane, free drinks and good music, Louis was in heaven.  Eventually, he needed some fresh air and decided to leave the crowded dancefloor. When he reached the terrace, the sweet smell of weed hit his nostrils. Some people were chatting, others were looking at the city lights downhill. The view was genuinely beautiful. He offered a smile to the girl smoking and she smiled back. Without any request, she offered the joint.

‘Oh. Thanks.’

‘Fenella. I’m Niall’s cousin.’

‘Louis.’ He took a puff and looked at the surroundings. 

‘Keep it, as a gift.' she winked, smiling delicately. ' gonna roll another anyway.’ She did look like Niall, the same bright smile that could lighten up entire cities. The same charisma which makes you believe that the world is beautiful and humanity ain’t dead. ‘Never seen you around.’

‘Hm, probably because I’m in third year.’

‘Which department?’

‘French literature.’ Louis said casually but she mouthed a ‘wow’.

‘Tough. Clarice and I, sophomore year, music studies.’ Clarice, the blond girl behind Fenella smiled. She was pretty and pretty wasted. The kind of girl too smiley to be in good terms with her dad.

 

Louis didn’t say anything. Fenella and her friend started to talk about people he didn’t know.

‘What about Harry though?’ the girl asked.

‘He has a boyfriend, Camille.’ Fenella assured before taking a puff. It could have been because she was Niall's cousin but she definitely knew the "important" stuff. 

‘It’s a girl name.’

 ‘It’s French. And it’s neutral.’ Louis couldn’t help.

‘Oh.’ The girl made a strange face and turned to Fenella. ‘Anyways, I saw him kissing four different people last week.’

‘You know he’s versatile.’ Fenella didn’t seem to be interested in the subject. She was smoking, her eyes staring at the sky. Why would someone so genuine be friends with the archetype of the blond girl ? Louis’ curiosity was dying to know.

‘Is he coming? Harry, I mean? Did you hear his last song during writing class?’ she sighed. ‘The whole class fell silent. I wish I could be her friend.’

‘You only want to suck his dick.’ Louis couldn’t help smiling. By the way Fenella had looked at her, she didn’t regard her opinion as legitimate so why bother?

‘Ok fine! But I mean, come on. Look at the guy. He’s pure art.’

‘He is. But you’ve got to be working really hard to enter the list.’

‘The  _list_?’ Louis frowned.

‘How could you not know?’ Clarice asked genuinely surprised.

‘It’s not as if he was famous or anything.’ Louis said before taking a long puff.

‘He kinda is, at least within the music school.’

‘I study  _French_.’ He repeated trying his best to make her understand. Fenella suppressed a smile.

‘That explains everything’ she sighed.

‘Anyway.’ Fenella pointed. ‘Harry has a list of people who can sleep with him. The list changes every month. Its name changes too even though only Harry knows it. To enter the list, you must be very patient, very generous, or be chosen. It’s the beginning of the year so people are going crazy with it, especially when the guy was gone for months.’

Louis was flabbergasted. How in hell would someone do that? And how in the fresh hell would people want to be on that list?? How come he had never heard about this?

 

‘I mean- I never tried to be on that list. I find it silly. But you know. There’s only 10 lists per year and you can’t really be on the list twice except if Harry likes you so…It’s pretty much the hunger games of sex. The guy could beat Katniss" ass.' she joked, Louis laughed but then clarice seemed upset.

'He is the Prince’ She said obviously upset by their behavior. Louis barked. This was nonsensical.

‘The Prince’ huh?  who gave him that name?’

‘Everyone I guess. He’d been very famous, ever since the prepa classes. He kinda became the Prince after that. The guy’s basically a monster in music. His father bought our school last year, but Harry was gone. He left for Jamaica with my cousin. People went crazy back then. Many felt like they had lost an idol, others were delighted to have a chance to shine. Anyway when they heard he was back they went crazy again.’

‘Alright.’ Louis said even though all he could think about was  _well well well, another nymphomaniac daddy’s boy_.

 

 

High as he could be, he went back inside and searched for familiar faces. Liam and Zayn were sitting, listening to Niall. When Niall saw Louis, he smiled but didn’t stop singing. Liam was smiling so brightly his eyes had disappeared, Zayn was peering intensely at Niall’s fingers on the guitar neck. After the song they decided to go dancing.  _Feelings Hayley Kiyoko_

 

Suddenly, the world froze, a guy passed the door. He was wearing a lavender blue suit with floral motives. His black shirt was unbuttoned, and to Louis’ disbelief, the guy was wearing a crown. He said something Louis couldn’t hear and just like that the music stopped.

‘Damen und Herren.’ He nodded, everyone applauded. The music resumed and Niall was gone.

_German. Ok??_

‘Guys. This is Harry. Liebling, das ist Liam, Louis und Zayn. Bitte sei nett.’

_So, it’s a thing._

‘Herren.’ Harry offered absently. The girl hadn’t lied. He truly was handsome, if it wasn’t for his nonchalance and pretentiousness. Two of his tattoos were slightly visible, birds maybe. He was wearing highlighter and maybe lipstick, Louis couldn’t tell with the light.

‘beer?’ Liam offered. Harry scrutinized him, outrageously.

‘Ich werde einen Whiskey.’ He said, dangerously close to Liam’s mouth. Louis looked at Zayn who was definitely not okay.

‘He’ll have a whiskey.’ Niall translated. Zayn grabbed Liam by the shoulders and kissed him, just in case. 

He kissed Niall on his forehead and went straight to the bar; two men joined him. They were giggling and kissing him.

‘Sorry for the German. It’s Tuesday. We always speak German on Tuesdays.’

‘You do realise that not everyone speaks German, do you?’ Louis was starting to get pissed.

 

Louis didn’t particularly love people with gimmicks. He liked genuine people, with flaws and depths. People proud to be themselves and not apologizing for that. 

 

The music stopped again.  ‘Ich werde dir ein Lied singen. Das ist Woman.’ Harry said. Everyone looked at Niall. ‘Harry’s going to sing you a song.’

 

A round of applause spread around the club. Some girls were giggling, some guys were peering at him so intensely Louis felt uncomfortable. Who was the predator and who was the prey?

 

Harry snapped his fingers, someone brought a guitar. The guy deadass waited until the whole room was silent. He started to sing, and Louis couldn’t argue, the guy was a natural. Still, there was something about him Louis couldn’t fathom. Maybe he looked far too happy for the happiness not to be linked with drugs of some sort. Maybe, it was the way he treated people, being extravagantly polite yet unconcerned. A girl in front of him was so tensed she might had actually fainted. It made Louis laugh. The situation was surreal.

‘Well, I’m gonna have a smoke until Tom arrives.’ He said even though no one was listening.

 

The terrace was now empty. He reached the edge, leaned forward and just peered at the cars down below. Minutes passed slowly when someone opened the French window.

‘I didn’t expect anyone to leave during my performance.’ Harry reproached. Louis didn’t answer because why in hell would he give a damn about a random guy everyone worshiped like a god?

 

‘I asked you a question.’ He resumed. Louis scoffed.

‘It wasn’t a question. And, I didn’t like your song to be honest.’ Harry smiled and grabbed Louis’ cigarette. Louis frowned but Harry didn’t react.

‘It’s a shame I poured my heart into it.’ He took a puff.

‘I bet you did.’ Louis spat. He looked at his phone, Tom was not answering.

‘Looking for someone?’

‘My boyfriend Tom.’

‘So, you’re a friend of Niall?’ he looked at Louis straight in the eye. For a second Louis felt like he might had been looking at his soul.

‘Not really, I know him thanks to Zayn.’

‘Amber eyes and earrings.’

‘Good guess Sherlock.’ Louis lit another cig.

‘Watson. Sherlock never guesses.’

_Who cares really?_

‘Cultured on top of that?’  Louis expected another boring answer, but Harry just left instead.

  **⁎**

 

Lavender Blue

 

I Carolina Williamson

II Lip Smith

III Cedric Lecerf

IV Maria Mar

V Sigmund Friedisch

VI Alicia Stevens

VII Paul Briand

VIII Julian Riley

 

**⁎**

 

‘No. We are not.’

‘Please babe.’ Tom said kissing Louis’ neck.

‘We are not watching Star Wars  _again_.’

‘Well. We need to breakup then.’ Tom said pouting. Louis scoffed.

‘Excuse me? I am the one who should dump you. What did I do in my previous life to end up with a guy worshipping the worst saga  _ever_?’

‘What to do then?’ Tom said unzipping Louis’ jeans.

 

**⁎**

 

‘ _Souviens-toi que le temps est un joueur avide. Qui gagne sans tricher, à tout coup! c'est la loi. souviens-toi!_ ’ Louis repeated for the thousandth time. He had been repeating the poem all day long. Enough time for Liam to be on the verge of tears and Zayn to remember it perfectly.

‘Enough with the French! You drive me mad.’ Liam said staring at Louis who was still walking around mumbling incomprehensible words.

‘He has to learn it by heart babe. Don’t listen.’ Zayn attempted to pet Liam’s hair but the later grabbed a cushion and threw it at Louis.

‘3 years. Three whole years of Louis learning French, in the living room, I know Molière and Flaubert by heart.’

‘Yes. Liam. Three years and you still don’t know how to speak French, despite having me, repeating French poems and plays for hours. Think about that.’ Louis teased.

‘Damn it Lou, I swear.’ he mumbled before focusing back on the tv. Zayn kissed him softly on the cheek. ‘And  _you_ , don’t think you’re safe. You owe me a drink for that.  _Souviens-toi_  my ass.’ Zayn barked.

 

**⁎**

 

Three hours later, Louis had finally stopped. Liam was adorable again.

‘So, what we doing tonight?’ Zayn handed the plate to Louis, veggies and rice in a curry sauce.

‘I think Harry’s throwing a party.’

‘Nah.’ Louis answered immediately his mouth already full.

‘Why not?’

‘Maybe because last time we checked, he wanted to fuck you?’ Zayn’s answer made Liam blush. Louis gave Zayn a high five.

‘He didn’t. He wanted to be polite that’s all.’ Liam said looking down at his coffee. Louis choked on a chickpea.

‘Polite. Please Li.’ Zayn said looking at Louis for support.

‘Anyway, we have to make new friends. It’s our last year as bachelors.’

 ‘And?’ Louis inquired obviously taking Zayn’s side.

‘And, I want to meet new people. Niall will be here too. You guys always told me to meet new faces, to go outside. And now that I want to you’re not being supportive. I want to go to that party with you Zayn, cause you’re _my_ boyfriend. And with you Lou cause you’ll just stay here and binge eat cookies and I can’t accept that.’ Liam said while standing up to kiss Zayn on the neck. One kiss was enough for Zayn to give up.

‘Only if Louis behaves this time.’ Zayn turned around and brought Liam into his arms.

‘I’m always kind.’ Louis replied taking a sip of Liam’s coffee.

‘No. Last time, you were a dick. Niall is adorable, be kind.’ Liam was right.

‘He’s Harry’s puppet like everyone else. I didn’t mean to be rude by the way. Isn’t it obvious though? I mean, you’ve got to be pretty blind not to see what’s going on.’

‘Don’t judge that easily.’

Louis didn’t answer. He wasn’t judging at all, he was just noticing and his friends knew that. Louis was good at noticing things, seeing through people. He was an observer, always had been.  An awkward silence fell.

**⁎**

**Lou**

_Coming tonight? Harry Styles’ hosting._

**Tomato**

_Aaah. Can’t. have to work. Have fun xx_

**Lou**

_I hate you._

**Tomato**

_Pretty sure you don’t._

**⁎**

 

They arrived at Harry’s. The house was basically an estate, situated at the west skirts of the city. Far from Z and L’s apartment.

 

‘Mental’ Liam cheered.

‘Let’s find Niall.’ Louis offered already annoyed.

‘Please L, don’t make a fuss.’

‘I’ll just get high somewhere, making no noise and pretend I don’t exist.’

 

They were welcomed by two butlers. The hallway was composed of two large stairs furnished by red carpets. It was lit by a giant chandelier that made the floor scintillate, marble surely. There was a massive wooden door on their left, the same one on the right. The room was perfectly symmetrical. The door on the left opened, music pierced the peaceful atmosphere of the room. At first no one arrived, the three of them looked at each other.  But then, here he came. Silk pink suit, white shirt, white shoes, painted nails.

 

‘Gents.’ He hugged Zayn first. His crown was glimmering, his curls looked soft and freshly washed. ‘How’s the wonderful boyfriend of yours?’ he said greeting Liam.

‘Really fine thank you. Great to see you.’ Liam said hugging Harry who looked delighted.

‘Of course Liam, of course.’ Harry turned to Louis and took his hand in his. The contact was warm and to Louis’ surprise, Harry’s skin was as soft as silk. He bent and kissed his hand before turning his heels. Louis froze and looked at Zayn who pinched his lips, he then stared at Liam who just shrugged.

**⁎**

**Lou**

_Help me lord, spoiled arses everywhere._

**Tomato**

_Steal their money so we can go to Paris._

**Lou**

_Gotta go, Niall is singing._

**⁎**

 

Harry and Niall sang together, after that people queued to have autographs – yes autographs- and people started to dance again. Harry was beaming. Louis wanted to try, like for real. He wanted to be kind to Harry but Harry was full of surprises – not in the good way, being more extra every time Louis would look at him. There was a champagne fountain, one DJ, more people in suits than Louis had imagined, everything was glitter and posh. Louis hated the bling.

 

He reached the terrace and sat next to a guy he didn’t know. He peered at the gardens, the estate was giant.

‘Great party don’t you think.’

‘Yeah.’ Louis answered absently, he lit the joint and took a long puff.

 The guy attempted to chat with him again, but Louis quite avoided him. He was high and drunk and not in the mood to be sociable. It wasn’t against the guy, it was what it was really. Two girls were kissing on a bench, the random guy next to Louis mumbled something but Louis was lost in his thoughts until the stature of Harry brought him back to reality. He was accompanied by two guys, all three were wasted. They started touching and kissing near the stairs leading to the gardens. The area was furnished with poufs, pillows and inflatable pelicans, located opposite Louis.

 

‘Faggots. They’re everywhere man.’ He scoffed.

It took a few seconds for Louis to understand what had been said for he was, without even realizing it, peering at Harry. ‘What did you say?’  he raised his tone.

‘Come on man, look at them. No decency.’

‘Go fuck yourself.’ Louis replied before standing up.

‘Excuse me?’ The guy stood up too. Louis put the butt of his joint in the trash and looked at the guy in utter disdain.

‘I said, go fuck yourself. For your information, this guy here.’ He pointed at Harry who while caressing one of the guy’s hair looked at Louis. ‘Is hosting this party. So, you better apologize.’

Harry stood up with a surprising grace given the fact he looked wasted. ‘Gents?’ he joined them, the two guys joined them too, they were holding him by his waist and kissing his neck. He looked like Henri III and his favourites.

 

‘Tell him what you said.’ Louis commanded.

‘I didn’t know you...you.’ Looking at Harry ‘I wouldn’t have said that to  _you_.’

‘It’s okay dear.’

‘No, it’s not.’ Louis shook his head in disbelief.

 

His arguments didn’t make sense, it was ok to be a homophobic cunt as long as you he wasn't homophobic to Harry Styles?? It was okay to be a homophobic shithead as long as the privileged were untouched ? This wasn’t ok, at all. It made Louis feel nauseous. Harry was a privileged cunt, even homophobia considered. How could he not react?

 

Harry frowned.

‘Didn’t ask for your opinion Tomlinson.’

‘Fuck you.’ The guy added. Louis pushed him, and the guy fell. Harry put his left hand on Louis’ chest. The usual grace and lightness was gone, his hands were large and strong now. His favourites stepped back.

 

‘May I suggest you leave immediately. I don’t know who invited you but don’t ever come back.’ He said calmly. Even though he was clearly maintaining Louis, his gesture was not violent, only solid. The guy spat on the floor and left without a word.

 

‘How could you not react?’ He muttered. Harry didn’t answer. He murmured something to the two men, still waiting for orders. They left.

‘Louis. First ungrateful, then violent?’ Louis lit a cigarette, he really was upset.

‘What the fuck? I was defending us. The guy clearly was homophobic.’  Louis exhaled deeply.

‘What did he say if I may ask?’ He had a strange expression on his face, something Louis couldn’t fathom, fright maybe.

‘That we don’t have any decency.’ Louis’ blood was boiling.

‘Well. You clearly have no manners, he wasn’t entirely wrong.’ How could he be angry at Louis? It didn’t make any sense.

‘Why are you bursting my balls man? What’s wrong with you? Why are you defending him?’ Harry buttoned back his shirt.

‘I will not tolerate violence.’ He had a way of playing with the buttons, Louis noticed that his black nail polish was almost gone. For a split-second, Louis forgot about his anger and focused on his tattoos. There were birds and a big butterfly. The quality of the ink was mesmerizing and the details just crazy. He looked at Harry’s hands and saw  the Christian cross. Why was it here? Why so small?

‘Louis?’ his voice was so deep, guttural almost.

‘He was violent too. I’m not saying it excuses my behaviour but what happened here is serious. I am sorry for that. But you don’t get to remain silent because it wasn’t targeted to you. This is called privilege. You should use it to do something good.’ He stepped away. Harry was looking at him as if he was a feature of a freak show.

‘I have all the rights to do as I want.’ Harry said calmly, Louis scoffed and took out a cig.

‘You also have the right to defend our community.’ Louis uttered right back. He took a long puff and exhaled deeply. He needed to calm down. How could Harry remain so composed ? Why this tone of nonchalance as if the world was just passing through?

‘I’m the Prince here.’ Louis shook his head and laughed.

 

The scene was surreal. He had been defending their community, Harry included. He had used violence and it was wrong, he knew it and he was sorry. He certainly wouldn’t not start again. But Harry, the guy was just unconcerned. He had no rights to treat him like shit. The weather was mild and the sky full of stars. Harry despite his aloof posture was beautiful, the scene could have been a tableau if Harry hadn’t been so unconcerned.

 

‘Prince of what? Look at you.’ Louis said angrier than intended.

‘You lack manners, you use violence and slurs.  You also have an unapologetically taste for insolence and disrespect.’ He observed.

 

It didn’t feel like he was judging though. He was just describing Louis as if to fix the words in his mind. He scrutinized Louis from top to bottom without further words. Louis stood there in utter disbelief. He looked at him straight in the eye and waited for an answer. The blue ocean met the green lands in a spark.

‘Wearing a crown doesn’t make you a prince.’ Louis heard himself say, he could be so childish and impulsive sometimes.

‘You upset me and you are wasting my time.’ Harry said putting his fingers to his lower lip. ‘Go home darling.’ Harry offered a fake smile.

‘Have fun sitting on your privileges.’

  **⁎**

 

**Lou**

_It’s been a week you dead?_

**Tomato**

_So much work. No time to do anything else, knackered._

**Lou**

_Do you want me to come over?_

**Tomato**

_Fam dinner tonight. Love ya_

 

**⁎**

 

End of September.

Louis was already crawling under readings. He had to study, learn and recite a particular poem every week. The poetry class was his favourite, though. Sure, it was tough, but poetry was the reason he had taken a BA. Summer would always be his favourite time of the year: he would pick three books eye closed, go find a place to hide in the park near their apartment and read until he had read every page. He hated September, sadness was creeping in small things, Liam receiving a notebook from his dad and a family picture to glue in his organizer, Zayn’s parents coming for dinner. Parents drinking coffee with their child, talking about how their day had been.

Louis’ dad had been absent ever since his mother left for Tokyo, five years earlier. He had a new wife Rosie, with whom he had George, Louis’ step brother. Rosie could have been the perfect step-mother if only she hadn’t been homophobic. One day she had told Louis ‘not in front of George, I don’t want you to influence him with your poor choices’ when he had kissed Tom. His father was so smitten he remained silent. His father was two hours away and yet, he didn’t give a shit. His mother was far away he hadn’t spoke to her in months. He had received the usual back-to-school text from his dad, ‘Wish you well. Work hard, you can do this.’ It said.

 

He was exhausted from uni and work.

Although Niall had texted him and invited him to gigs, he had avoided everyone since the party. He was still mad at Harry. This world, Harry’s world of wonder made him feel nauseous. Liam and Zayn liked him though. Louis seemed to be the only in town thinking that the whole situation was a masquerade. It was a shame because he truly liked Niall, the guy was so simple and humble. He was the only sensible guy in the story. Louis had wondered many times why the guy had Harry for a best friend. It didn’t make any sense. They were completely different. Niall was caring, funny, easy-going,  _likeable_. Harry was pretentious, spoiled, careless,  _sneaky_. Maybe he would offer Niall a coffee sometimes.

**⁎**

 

‘Do you want to come?’

‘No thanks. I have to read.’

‘Louis.’ Liam closed Louis’ book. ‘Please, come. It’ll be fun.’

‘I said no. Geez. Why are you all acting as if he was your best friend?’

‘We are not.’ Zayn joined them. ‘But those parties are fun.’

‘Don’t you have other friends? I don’t know, James, Grim, Juan, Stephanie or Tasha?  _Our_  friends. It’s been two weeks and what? Three parties you’re already licking his balls.’

‘They are coming too.’

‘Did you seriously introduce our friends to Harry and Niall?’

‘Is that wrong?’ Liam asked genuinely surprised.

‘Don’t you see that the guy is poisonous? I’m dreaming here.’

‘You’ve seen him twice. Can you calm down. You never judge at first glance. What's wrong with you? Suddenly he's your mortal ennemy or some shit. He has some good sides but you can’t know that if you never go with us.’ Zayn offered.

‘No. I’m pissed. Why the fuck did you do that? So now what, I’m obliged to go to  _his_  parties if I want to see  _my_  friends? Then what? I apply for the list? Everyone’s acting as if they had no life before Harry. It’s fucked up and I don’t want to be a part of this. End of the story.’ he scoffed. 

 

 

Louis spent the night with Tom. It seemed that, he was the only one not interested to be a part of ‘The Prince’ realm. He was mad against Zayn and Liam. Suddenly they were acting like their world had been a world of despair and boredom before Harry the messiah had smiled and saved them from a life of misery. He hated that.

 

**⁎**

It was a usual afternoon at work, Louis had served approximatively 57 teas and served more brownies than he could count. He loved to work at The Elephant House, it was shabby and small, but it smelt like black tea and gingerbread and more importantly it felt like home. People would talk to Louis before ordering, ask for his advice on books and how his day had been. Patricia, the owner had been here for Louis ever since he got the job, back to first year. It was  _his_  place.

Niall opened the door and looked around, his displayed his brightest smile when he saw Louis.

‘Louis!’

‘What you doing here?’ Louis said placing cookies on a plate.

 ‘Do you have a moment?’ Louis looked at Patricia who winked. He placed the tea towel on his shoulder.

‘Yes. Do you want something though?’

‘Coffee, milk, extra sugar please.’ They sat opposite.

‘So?’

‘We haven’t seen you since Harry threw you out. It's a shame I thought we got along, us two.' he said sheepishly. Louis was taken off guard.

‘Hm’ he coughed ‘Yeah I had work to do. I usually party on week-ends only. ’

‘I see… Hm, anyway. You’ll always be welcomed to  _my_  gigs.’ He scratched his head. ‘So. I have something to ask you. We were chatting the other day with Zee and he told me you talked French fluently.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Could you teach me? I mean, I took Spanish but the guy told me there wasn’t any place left and the guy didn’t give a shit so I had to choose between Russian or French.’ Louis laughed. ‘That’s not funny man. I’m one year late. I need to be good at it if I want to pass the creative writing course.’

‘Why?’ Louis wasn’t following.

‘Basically, we have a creative writing course, we’re supposed to write songs and we have two songs to write in the foreign language we took. I don’t know how to sing in French mate.’ He looked desperate. 'I can't take german cause I'm fluent and Mrs. Julian says it's cheating. She wants us to open broader horizons.' he quoted. 

 

‘I’d love to Niall but I have to work and my schedule is hectic.’

‘I’ll pay. How much do you need?’Niall was desperate.

‘It’s not about money.’

‘I’ll pay and I’ll find someone to proofread your homework, I’ll find you an assistant, you’ll have more time. Please Louis, I’m about to cry.’ He joked but he looked genuinely upset. 

‘I’m paid 8 an hour, here.’

‘I’ll give you 80’ Louis gasped. ‘My father gonna kill me if I don’t pass. He told me I had three months then he's going to talk to me in French whether I like it or not. I need you. 80. Count double when you can't at your palce. ’

‘How many times?’

‘At least 5 days a week. Anywhere will do. Here, your place, mine, on the streets.’ Louis laughed. ‘Say yes.’

Louis was speechless. First Niall had an assistant,  _excuse us_. And the cash, It was insane. He wondered what kind of man his father was, surely strict with high standards and expectations. He must have been hard for Niall to keep up with his expectations, he genuinely looked afraid of the consequences.

 

‘Why me though? Don’t you know anyone else?’

‘Zee said you were the best of the BA. I trust him.’ Louis blushed. ‘So I asked my assistant to check if it was true. Mr. Dubois said you were one of the best students he has ever had, along with Mr. Martin and Mrs. Antoine. So I thought that you could help me. Plus, as I said we got along.’

‘You’re a creep.’ Louis mocked.

‘I need you. Say yes. Please.’

‘Fine.’ Niall stood up and dragged Louis to hug him.

‘Thank you mate. When do we start.’

‘Tomorrow, my place. I’m free from 4 to 5.’

‘Tomorrow it is then.’

 

**⁎**

 

‘Aaaah! That shit is so hard man!’ Niall shook his head in disbelief. He pouted and sighed deeply at Louis.

‘Come on, it’s not that different from German.’

‘You kidding me? I’m fucked, I swear lad.’

‘Do you want me to teach you differently?’

‘Nah. You’re freaking good at teaching. It’s just. AAAAAH’ he shouted, and Louis barked.

‘Let’s try again.  _J’ai vécu en Jamaïque pendant un an._ ’ Louis pronounced with a perfect accent.

‘Jey veycue an Jamaica peyndant oon an.’

‘Good.’

 

After the lesson, Niall stayed a bit and they chatted. Niall had the best stories. They talked about his different trips and of course Jamaica. They also talked about their respective family. Niall was living with Harry for his parents were in Australia. His father was one of the richest producer there, his mother was a painter. He was closer to his uncle, Murphy, the owner of the Irish pub. He had had a girlfriend in Jamaica but she didn’t follow him when he came back. He played the guitar and drums. He also talked about Harry who seemed like an angel in his mouth. They had been best mates for a while now. He also joked about being replaced by Louis as Zayn’s best friend but said he was glad he had found someone like Louis. Even though they had lost sight after high school, Zayn was till like a brother to him. Niall truly was a good guy, chatty, goofy and easy-going. Louis liked him a lot, especially because even filthy rich, the guy was still down-to-earth. He told Louis that he was welcomed to the parties again and also promised that he would have a coffee with him after work, every Monday. They genuinely got along. Louis thought about it and came to the conclusion that he wouldn't avoid Niall anymore and would just behave as if Harry didn't exist. 

**⁎**

 

Four days later.

‘What you doing?’

‘Hm we thought about going to the theatre and then celebrate our anniversary.’

‘Is it today?’

‘3 years of Ziam yes’ Liam said proudly. He looked at Zayn – who was tying his shoelaces- with such love, Louis felt jealous. Zayn looked at him and winked.

‘So…I need a place to stay tonight.’

‘No, no I mean...’

‘I mean,  _I_  need a place to stay. I don’t want to be traumatized. Last time I saw you naked I almost turned straight.’ Liam burst out of laughing.

‘I needed a drink man!’

‘Put a fridge on your room then!’

‘Boys.’ Zayn called to order.

‘Ok, I’ll try to find a place.’

‘Why won’t you call Tom?’

‘Hm.’ He scratched the back of his head. ‘I mean I guess I could?’

‘ _Louis_.’ Zayn shook his head and Liam frowned. ‘Don’t tell me you got bored again.’

‘Wait, did you guys break up?’ Liam asked. Sure, he and Louis always fought but one couldn’t argue that he truly was concerned about Louis’ happiness.

‘Nah. I think he is avoiding me or something. I don’t know. Don’t worry about me. I’ll found something.’

‘Why don't you ask Niall? How’s his French by the way ?’

‘As bright as my future.’

 

Louis texted every single one of his friends, no place to stay. He hesitated and finally listened to Zayn and texted Niall. Niall couldn't say no to his brand new friend, could he? 

**FavFrenchBoo**

_Can I sleep in tonight?_

**Neil**

_Course. What’s going on?_

**FavFrenchBoo**

_A three-year-couple celebrating their anniversary. Is Harry okay with it?_

**Neil**

_Why wouldn't he?_

**FavFrenchBoo**

_You know, cause it's his house._

**Neil**

_Asked him. doesn't bother._

 

Louis looked at his phone and shook his head in disbelief, maybe he would have to think of it and give the guy a chance. He had to behave this time.

 

 


	2. Alpine Green

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Jazz, Louis, is the remedy of everything.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been listening to All I Ask and Make You Feel My Love by Adele and Seeing Blind by Nialler. This chapter is a bit longer than the first one and I hope you'll enjoy it!  
> I'll probably post the third chapter today or in the early morning tomorrow ! Going fast because why not? 
> 
> love always xx

Alpine Green

I Carolina Williamson

II Lip Smith

III Raoul Sanchez

IV Martin Dupont

V Mila Lucian

VI Lily Evans

VII Ortance Binoche

VIII Anthony Ferrera

 

 

He passed the door and turned right, a butler opened the door for him.

 

 ‘What the fuck?’ he said looking at Niall wearing only his pants and a tuque.

‘Mate! How you doing? Taste that!’ he put cookie dough into Louis’ mouth. ’Good? Louis nodded.

‘Did you make it yourself?’ he said his mouth full.

‘Naaah. Harry did. I don’t master pastries.'

‘ _yet._ ’ Harry came into the open kitchen. He was wearing a pearl grey apron over a grey cardigan suit. ‘Hello Mr. Tomlinson. I heard you needed a bed to sleep in tonight?’ He smiled. Did he remember the last party where he basically threw Louis out?

 

‘Hi-Hm. Yes. Thank you by the way.’ Harry was a prick, but it was his house nonetheless so Louis would be polite and calm.

‘No fuss really. Well, I reckon you need a visit?' he had a way of looking at people, locked on his target. Louis had rarely seen such beautiful eyes, it was like drowning in the sea in early Spring. 

'I guess yeah?' he peered at the living room, massive grey couch, massive TV, open kitchen entirely painted in black. Wow.

'This part of the estate, the right part is private. I'm sure you guessed, this is the living room. If you take the door behind me and turned left it'll lead you to the toilets and the bathroom. Turn right and you'll find the piano.'

'Where are you rooms?' he heard himself ask.

'Mine is next to the bathroom. Harry's upstairs. There's also the library and stuff. Oh and there's a terrace where you can smoke and the gardens.' Niall replied casually. Rich kids have no idea how lucky they are, aren't they?

 

So the left part, the one Louis had partied in must have been dedicated to events and parties only ?  _Excuse us._

 

‘Is it okay if I study there for a while?’ he felt uncomfortable but really wanted to be as far as possible from Harry. It seemed like he couldn't really think around the guy and he hated that. 

‘Of course you are more than encouraged to study in the library, take the stairs, first door on the left.’

His voice was so deep, and his traits so relaxed, he was a different guy.  Was it because he was home and Niall was here? Or because he was sober? That was when it hit him, there was no one around, at least no one to show off to, Harry was smarter than Louis had thought. That being said, it could mean that Louis’ presence didn’t mean anything at all or that Harry was trying to make an effort after their fuss. 

 

‘We’ll call you when dinner’s ready.  _A bientôt_ ' he said proudly.

‘See you Niall.’ Louis replied,  _adorable_.

 

The shelves were extremely well organised. There was a shelf for novels, three shelves dedicated to poetry and more dedicated to music, even one dedicated to golf.The desk was neat as well, there were three frames. One of Niall and Harry in a funfair. One of Harry and his dad ? and a third one of Harry and a guy. Louis looked at the back of the frame and read “Milk And Honey, 67.”. There was a pile of papers, Louis couldn’t help taking a look. Partitions and songs written the old-fashioned way, feather-and-ink. He put his backpack on the back of the chair and went back to the poetry shelf. He stared at the books, the racks were organised by nationalities, Spanish, English, German poets, Russian even. The bottom rack was dedicated to French poetry. Louis wondered if Harry knew how to speak or if it were just for the sake of it. The books were old and shabby, he looked closer, Harry had managed to get the first edition of them all. Louis was jealous. Maybe they could talk about poetry one day? The atmosphere of the room was so peaceful and neat, he was hard for Louis to believe that Harry would own the place. It wasn’t flamboyant or glittery, it was ethereal and raw.

 

Louis took notes and read three chapters of The Misanthrope and went back to the living-room.  The dinner went well, Louis and Niall had a banter. Surprisingly enough, Harry was silent, far away from his usual chatty self. Niall wasn't acting weird so Louis reckoned maybe  Harry's silence was usual. Louis and Niall went for a smoke and Harry left to study. They crossed the terrace, reached a fountain, kept walking, crossed the botanic garden and finally reached Niall's brand-new golf course. The night was falling but Louis could see the whole area. It was insane.

'This is yours.' Louis gasped.

'Yeah, we didn't know what to do with this part of the estate so I asked Harry, he wanted another botanic garden but we already have enough flowers and plants right?' he rolled his eyes, Louis laughed ' So you know we had a fight but I won.' He grinned.

They visited the golf course, Louis drove the golf cart not minding Niall's pieces of advice. 'Can I ask you something?' the blond guy finally uttered. As usual, Louis lit a cigarette and nodded. 'Are you going to reconsider your possible friendship with Harry? I mean. You're here, trust me it means something even though he didn’t talk to you. You two are very much alike.' 

 

Louis snorted before exhaling deeply 'we're two drama queens.' he said lightly but Niall was not ready to drop it. ‘You two are too busy pretending to be the 'good one'. It's not a play, Harry's definitely not the vilain.' Louis didn't say anything, it dawned upon him that indeed, even though he had claimed to know better and be out of the scene, he was a character of Harry’s play. Probably the villain came to do some tricks to still his crown. Louis had been fooled. He headed back to the mansion with strange feelings shrinking his guts.

 

‘Want to watch a movie?’ Niall opened the fridge and took out two beers.

‘Sure. Can I shower first?’

‘Course.' He sank into the couch.

 'You think Harry's still studying? Forgot my bag.' Niall shrugged.

He left the living room, took the stairs and reached the library. He stopped at the door, Harry was singing. From where he was he couldn’t understand the lyrics properly, but the melody was slower than what he had previously heard. He waited until Harry had finished and came in.

‘Sorry, forgot my backpack.’ Harry stood up, cleared his throat and offered a poor smile. Something was wrong. Had he been crying?

‘Here.’ He handed the bag, Louis noticed the blue stains on his hand. He had been writing for hours. His rings were missing, maybe he felt more comfortable writing without them? There was no tissue around, no tears in his eyes. No hint whatsoever but somehow Louis could tell.

‘Thanks. Hm-’ Louis felt strange. He scrutinized Harry again and came to the same conclusion. So, Harry had been crying. So the guy could cry, it was a good sign. Louis couldn’t risk being intrusive though. He couldn’t ask.  The situation was really strange, of course Louis was still bearing a grudge against him for the guy was a complete dick. But, seeing someone sad would always make him feel uncomfortable. He wouldn’t know what to say or do. Louis couldn’t be mean right now, could he? He remembered the several chats he had with his mother  _let's make someone happy today_. He felt sheepish and puzzled.  Everything was so much better when they wouldn't talk. But Harry had been kind and no one deserved that kind of distress. Maybe the only way to remain out of the play was to actually be kind?

 

‘You want to watch a movie with us?’ he proposed. _For fuck sake Louis._ He screamed interiorly.

‘Did you let Niall pick the movie?’ he said replacing some books on the shelves. He had a way of moving, graceful yet solid. The discrepancy between his sharp jaw and nose and the cherub traits of his face was appalling. He passed his long fingers on the spine of the books to check if everything was in place.

‘We didn’t discuss the possibilities.’ He turned to Louis and again locked his eye on him.

‘Let’s go. I might kill myself if we watch  _Stars Wars VIII_  again.’

 

They watched  _It_ , Niall was hidden into Harry’s arms, eating ice cream and screaming from time to time. Harry was glancing at Louis every time the screen would be the brightest. Eventually Louis glanced back. It lasted a split-second, Harry offered a sincere smile. It dawned upon Louis, Harry reminded him of Lorenzaccio from the eponym play. A strong dual protagonist, doomed to be swollen alive by the mask he is wearing. Believed to be the vilain and ending up as one.

**⁎**

 

‘Hey buddy. Happy birthday! ’ Louis held George tight. ‘I missed you so much! Did you miss me?’ he kissed him on his forehead. George giggled.

‘Mama made a cake!’ he pointed at the blue birthday cake.

‘Can I have a piece?’ George nodded.

‘How long are you staying?’ Rosie said.

 

_Hello to you too._

‘Only a couple of hours. For George.’ He put his step brother down. ‘Where’s dad?’

‘Working. Will be here at 6.’

‘I’ll be gone. He said he would be here.’

‘Well Louis, I reckon you could have arranged your schedule to be available.’ She smiled at him, she was so beautiful it was a shame she was a complete bitch.

 

‘My bad.’ Louis offered a bright smile on his face. ‘I’ll see you another day I guess.’ If Harry was good at faking it, Louis was better.

‘You want to play?’ George grabbed a ball.

‘Yeah sure. Let’s go outside.’

 

Louis played and ate a piece of cake with George, then he left, drove home, music loud to cover his thoughts. Family is a tricky term right? His mother was off somewhere, living her best life without her son. When was the last time he had seen her ? When was the last time he had smile thinking of her ? He could barely remember how she smelt or the way her hair would blow in the wind. His father was here yet so far away. He had tried so hard to find some good in Rosie but didn't succeed. Mothers are supportive, determined and dedicated. Mothers are the safe place, for so many reasons she wasn't. 

**⁎**

 

‘Yeah, okay, 8. Well hm yeah. Bye Hazza.’ Zayn hung up, Liam was petting his back. ‘We’re invited to dine with Mr. Styles tonight.’

‘Who else? Rich kids certainly.’ Liam shrugged as Louis entered the room.

‘Fancy diner tonight.’ Zayn looked at Louis.

‘Nah.’ Louis said opening the fridge and grasping a coke.

‘Why not?’

‘Don’t want to.’ he leaned against the counter.

‘Harry is hosting.’ Zayn added as if it’d change everything.’ I thought you too got along now. I thought you dwelt on things and-.’

'I did. I need time and I don't want to eat fancy veggies. I need fat.' 

 

Three hours later, someone knocked at their door, Richard – Harry’s favourite butler- was standing stiffly erect in a Gucci suit. ‘Gents. A gift from Mr. Styles.’ He handed the carrying bags and a letter.

‘Well, thank you Richard…’ he left.

 ‘Dear Zayn, Liam and Louis, I kindly request your company at the dinner I will have the pleasure to host tonight. Please wear the suits my couturier made for you. 8p.m, The Rosemary Estate.’ Liam read. Zayn opened the bags and gasped. The suit was impeccable. White with only a gold-coloured bowtie. His name was embroidered in gold letterings too.

‘Look!’ he pointed at the ‘Zayn.M’ on the pocket shirt.

‘Brag.’ Louis muttered. He handed Liam’s suit, white with a navy-blue tie.

‘You’ve got one too!’ Liam took out a three-piece suit with pearl-grey tie. ‘And the letter says ‘Louis.’

  **⁎**

 

**Lou**

_Fancy diner tonight. Won’t be long. Join you later?_

**Tomato**

_Can’t wait to see you xx_

**⁎**

 

Harry welcomed them with the brightest smile on his face. ‘Gents.’ He kissed the back of their hand, Louis rolled his eyes. ‘Follow me.’

 

Harry was acting his usual public self. But Louis was pretty sure he had taken something, his pupils were so dilated the sea-green ocean had disappeared. They turned left and reached the area dedicated to events. People were already drinking champagne, all wearing white clothes except for the ties, bowties or scarves. Niall was handsome, his shirt was slightly opened, no tie whatsoever. His cheeks were red, from here, he seemed drunk already.

 

Louis only knew four people – besides Harry and Niall-. There was Rowena, wearing a three-piece suit with a pink tie. She was one of the richest girls Louis had ever met, her mother owned almost half of the city. She was one of Niall’s closest friend. Louis recognised her thanks to the scar from her nose to her jawline. From what he heard Niall adored her so Louis couldn't wait to meet her. Then, there was Marcus, he was in the same engineering class as Liam but somehow made his way through the wonderful world of Harry Styles. Louis peered at Lip and Carolina. Those two were always attending Harry’s gigs and parties. Louis had seen them before in pictures, those in the living room. If Louis remembered correctly, they were on the fuck-list. Niall had told once that Harry had composed a song for the girl.

 

 

He searched for his name at the back of the chairs and sat. ‘Lily’ and ‘Nicolas’ were supposed to join. A beautiful girl smiled at him and shook his hand. She had wonderful hazelnut eyes and long dark hair. A guy sat by his side.

‘Nicolas. Nice to meet you.’ He shook Louis’ hand. Bright blue eyes, chocolate hair, dimples out. Dammit. Harry finally sat, he was facing Niall, both at the end of the table.

‘He is brilliant.’ Lily murmured to Louis who didn’t understand. ‘Harry. How he placed us.’

‘I don’t follow.’ She bent further, she was almost touching his ear.

‘See the red-hair guy in front of you, don’t look obvious, well look at the girl next to him. Elsa, those two are going to end up together. You’ll see. Of course, Rowena would be sitting next to him.’

‘Why not next to Niall?’ Louis snapped.

‘Best friends are not supposed to sit next to each other. And look at Lip, far from Carolina. Weird given the fact that they are a couple don’t you think?’ Louis nodded. ‘Well, pretty sure one of them is going to disappear from the list.’

‘Why are we here then?’

‘Well. I’m new to this herd but wherever you are, fancy dinners rules never change, we, the new comers, are always placed in between, and separated from our friends, on purpose.’

 

It made sense, even Liam and Zayn weren’t sitting next to each other. Louis had to admit, those stories were entertaining, not because of their nature but because of how Lily would dramatize the scene. She was entertaining and witty. The dishes were insanely tasty, the booze – if one can call it booze- had made its effect, Louis was drunk. Niall was barking, Liam was chatting with a guy named Oscar, if Louis had heard properly. Zayn was completely absorbed by Carolina. Harry was beaming, dimples out, giggles and shit. As usual, he was looking at people as if they were the only one that mattered. After all this time, Louis was still amazed by Harry’s way of making anyone feel precious. Again, without being aware of it, Louis was part of the Act. The whole scene was silly, fancy drinks, fancy suits, glitter and pretence. It was like being a character from one of Fitzgerald’s novels. They genuinely were a lost generation and it made Louis laugh.

 

The door opened. A guy came into the room. He was wearing a three-piece black velvet suit. Black from top to bottom. The discrepancy between his stature and the room was remarkable. Harry looked at the guy then at Louis who tried to decipher his expression but didn’t succeed. Harry stood up immediately.

‘Let’s bring the dessert,  _choux à la crème_. If you’d excuse me.’  The dandy looked sober again. Louis turned to Niall who sighed deeply trying his best to remain calm. Who was the guy? Why would Niall be mad? Was it because the guy had interrupted the dinner? Made Harry follow him? Or was it something else ?

 

They did enjoy the dessert. Then Richard came and lead them to the terrace for the  _soupe de champagne_  : champagne, sugar, pressed lemons and fruits. They put jazz music and Rowena started to dance. She grabbed Zayn’s hand and turned slightly. She blew a kiss to Liam who barked. Other people started to dance. Niall joined Louis and proposed him to dance.  _What A Wonderful World_  by Armstrong.

 

‘How you doing Louis? It’s a beautiful night don’t you think?’

‘It is Niall.’

‘Did you enjoy your dinner.’ He pointed at Nicolas and Louis scoffed.

‘You put him next to me on purpose. I have a boyfriend Ni.’

‘I know I know but I thought you might like him just for your viewing pleasure. Did you two have fun?’

‘Not really. He’s hot but he’s not-’

‘Tom.’

‘Yes.’ Louis answered mechanically thinking about Lorenzaccio again. Who was the guy with the black three piece suit?

‘I’m glad you’re here mate. For real. I thought you wouldn’t come to our parties again. I thought I would have to see you only for our French class.'

‘Are you in love Ni?’ Niall laughed.

‘Maybe yeah.' He joked.  ‘And, it’s a good thing you and Harry are finally getting along.’

They were still swinging. ‘I wouldn’t say that no.’

‘Why?’

‘Cause we are not getting along. We’re not friends. He just tolerates me, we don't even talk.  I'm here out of politeness.’ Niall laughed.

'You're not. You liked the dinner more than you want to admit. Harry has his way of handling things. I thought he would have made a fuss when Sebastian came, I have to say I’m surprised.’

‘You seemed mad.’ Louis scoffed. ‘Who is he anyway?’ Louis was dying to know.

‘Can you go and check on him?’ Niall said amused by Louis’ obvious haste.

‘No.’ They stopped dancing.

'Come on!' Niall shouted. 'Please. He doesn’t want me to check on him.’ He smiled but he looked disturbed.

'Who's the guy anyway?' Louis asked again. Niall was avoiding the subject and Louis was starting to get impatient.

‘Just check if he’s still in the house. And if you see him just tell him to come back here.’

‘Niall I-’ Louis looked at Niall but the later truly was concerned. ‘Fine. But you owe me one. Coming back.’

 

Louis left the crowded terrace. The dinner room was so quiet now. He passed the large wooden door and decided to check upstairs. He reached the landing and saw Harry leaning against the wall the guy readjusting his clothes. Harry’s hair was messy. The guy kissed him and Louis just forgot how to breathe for the show was mesmerizing to witness, Harry was under his spell. For the first time ever he looked small and it was frightening. The guy smiled and passed over Louis. Harry opened his eyes again but seemed to have entered another realm. Louis coughed. Harry looked at him which such disdain it actually hurt.

‘What do you want?’ he was wasted.

‘Niall wants you to come back.’ Louis insisted. Harry passed a finger on his lower lip. He was just  _out_.

 

‘Tell him I’m going for a walk.’ His voice was deep and husky.

‘you alright?’

‘I am.’ Harry said but he was definitely wasted.

‘Who’s the guy?’ Louis couldn’t help asking. Harry looked at him and smiled, asking that question had made Louis a part of the play again and they both knew it. Harry scrutinized Louis before answering. Louis had been curious and Harry was delighted.

‘None of your business.’ He touched his jaw. His cheeks were pink, his lips shiny and plump. Louis tried to not think about what they’d been doing.

‘It is. You’re wasted.’ Harry scoffed, he was still leaning against the wall, he intertwined his fingers. Louis had joined him and was leaning against the opposite wall.

‘I don’t like you and you won’t be on the list, I suggest you stop trying.’ Harry snapped, Louis was flabbergasted, well, at least Harry had been honest.

‘Who said I wanted to be on your list?’ Louis said but couldn’t argue. He had made a mistake being curious and now Harry had the advantage.

‘Everyone does.’ He looked  _sad_.

‘Not my problem. And, I’m doing this cause I don’t want to let you go if you’re going to overdose on the lawn.’  Harry’s skin was glowing, he was sweaty, his jaw was clenched, and he was rubbing his hands absently.

‘Ecstasy huh?’ Louis stated.

‘Indeed.’

‘Let’s go to bed.’ Louis grabbed his arm, but Harry shook his head.

‘I’m going for a walk.’ He said while stepping closer to reach Louis’ neck. A wave of perfume hit Louis nostrils but without really knowing how, Louis reckoned it wasn’t his. ‘Tell Niall I’m fine.’ He murmured into Louis’ ear before stepping away, staring at Louis’ lips.

 ‘Not gonna lie to Niall.’ Louis grabbed his arm again. Harry scrutinized Louis with a strange expression on his face.

‘ _Why_  do you care?’

‘Already told you.’

‘Who’s the liar now?’ He said inches from Louis’ mouth, ‘You don’t play according to the rules Louis. It’s upsetting.’ Harry said his hot breath and parted lips inches from Louis’ mouth. Louis tried his best not to stare, he wouldn’t give Harry the satisfaction. He stepped aside.

‘The lights are on but nobody’s home.’ Louis said straight to his face. He knew he wasn’t wrong. Harry could fake it, it was obvious for Louis that the guy was just hollow. He was acting normal, happy even, but Louis couldn’t feel any of it. He was like the Sun without the warmth, a sad spectacle to witness.

 

Maybe that’s why the guy had a fuck-list, maybe he was bored of life, bored of the sempiternal burden of having to be himself. Anyhow, there was something, deep down, that gave Louis shivers. A part of Harry that matched the void of his pupils. ‘I don’t care about your rules. I won’t be a part of your tragedy.’

 

‘Touching.’ Harry spat. He stepped away and walked towards the stairs.

 

_Damn it._

 

'I'm walking with you.' Louis said following his steps. They left the house crossing the private area and Harry grabbed Louis by the arm. They reached a bench facing a pond and Harry let himself fall on the lawn. Louis sat on the bench and untied the godlen material. 

'You shouldn't. You look good. It suits the scene.' 

'It's smothering me, feels odd.' Louis said not hiding his annoyance. He was tired of this everlasting party, tired of having to be the one who cares about the so called prince. He was desperate to go home and be alone without this toxicity. Harry laughed slightly while touching the lawn.

'You're like a blot in the play of my own, reminding me that everything is set up. Now I feel odd too.' Louis looked at him and sadness was back on track, crawling under the softness of his traits.

‘That’s why I upset you so much. I won’t be a part of this whole mess so maybe you need to stop faking it if you want to reach me.’

‘Who said I wanted to reach you?’ Harry said closing his eyes, the grass must have felt humid and cold for he was shivering, even the moon light couldn’t hide that.

‘I needed a place to stay and you said yes. You never cease to invite me at your parties and gigs.’ Louis said trying to convince himself in the process. Why did it matter so much? Why did he feel the need to be bold and push Harry off limits?

‘Let’s meet somewhere for a moment, when you are not you and I am not me. Where the necessity to reach a certain intimacy doesn’t equal the necessity to live in the vitality of the within. I heard you like poetry. Make the words tumble on my ghostly heart Louis. Put me in a state of belonging.’

Louis looked at him and a part of him broke. Harry was so lost in his illusions, so without. He was the main character of his play but nothing but a spectator of his real life. At this moment Louis forgot about his expectations and what he had to do. Nothing would make more sense than comforting Harry. Without thinking it twice he started to recite a poem from one of Harry's book in the library. 

 

**⁎**

 

‘You know what man? I’m tired of studying. Screw French.’

‘Niall,  _ton langage_.’ Louis replied. Niall hit him on his shoulder.

‘I said stop you twat.’ Louis barked. ‘Let’s call Z and Li. I need a drink.’

 ‘Harry’s free tonight. Let’s call him too.’ _Shit._ ‘You don’t have to talk to him. I know you fought again but it will be fun.’ Except that Niall was wrong. They did not fight but of course, he couldn't tell him that he had been reciting poems to Harry until they had been found. And worst of all, he knew Harry would remember. ‘ He’s a pain in the arse, trust me, I know it damn too well. But, I’m sure he’ll be in a good mood tonight.’

‘How could you be so sure?’

‘Cause he’s on a date right now.’ He winked. ‘Oh. You can invite Tom if you want.’

 

**Lou**

_Hey love, want to come tonight?_

**Tomato**

_Where?_

**Lou**

_Harry’s._

**Tomato**

_I’ll text you if I can. xx_

**⁎**

 

‘Hey! Me boys. I missed you so much.’ Niall said welcoming the lovers. 

' Where's Louis?' he said hugging them both.

‘Shower. After calling you, we thought about cooking something. Because we love you and shit. We made pasta, olive oil, basil and tomato sauce. No meat whatsoever’ he winked at Zayn. ‘But I may have ruined his tee.’ He shrugged.

‘And Harry?’

‘Coming soon I hope.’ He scratched his head.

‘Let’s hope they don’t fight.’ Liam whispered.

‘Naah. Harry is a dick when he’s high, but I find him really charming when drunk.’ Zayn laughed.

 

Harry called Niall to inform him of his due return, so they waited to eat, they drank though. When Harry arrived, they were already tipsy. They competed in a beer-pong, - champagne-pong actually- Zayn and Louis against Liam and Niall. Zouis won.

‘What did you expect?’ Louis teased, he gave a high five to Zayn and offered a bitchy smile to the losing team.

The door opened, Harry arrived. He was wearing a three-piece alpine-green suit with a grey bowtie. His lips looked plumper than usual, for a second Louis wandered whether or not he had enjoyed his date but then the picture of him completely out ran through his mind.

‘Gents.’ Niall jumped on him. Everyone laughed except Harry who looked at him seriously.

‘How’s my favourite person one earth doing?’

‘I lost against those two, but champagne’s good.’ Harry put him back on the ground. ‘How was your date?’ He looked instinctively at Louis.

‘New shirt?’

‘Niall stained the other.’ Louis shrugged.

‘Shame.’

 

They ate some pasta and drank a lot. They played strip poker, the only one who didn’t take off any piece of clothes was Harry. His cheeks were tainted with pink and his eyes were sparkling. Eventually he took off his shirt.’

What you doing ?’ Niall stuttered.

‘It’s too hot in here!’ he said with a strange Indian accent. Louis reckoned it must have been a private joke because Niall barked.

 

He had more than just birds and a butterfly on his stomach: there were letters on his shoulders, a heart and a book on his arm. There were also an eagle and a mermaid and many small pieces. Louis looked at his arms and gasped. Harry had a heart, he had an arrow. Harry had rose, Louis had a dagger. Their tattoos were matching. He felt weird. He took one more glance and realised that Harry had his nipples pierced.

 

‘Sick.’ Zayn said pointing at the butterfly.

Harry smiled slightly. ‘Be back.’ Niall put some music one and they started to dance.

 

 _The Cure_  came on shuffle, Louis loved this song. He closed his eyes and forgot about the world. _If I can’t find the cure I’ll, I’ll fix with my love. Promise I’ll always be there, promise I’ll be the cure._ He waited the end of the song to open his eyes again, Niall was holding a disk, he was trying to put it on the phonograph.

He gave a sign to Zayn who turned off the speaker. Suddenly Louis felt hands on his hips and turned around, here he was, drunk Harry in a plain black shirt now.

‘Harry?’ Louis knew the song: _Cheek To Cheek_  by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong.

 

‘Let’s dance.’ He said before scrunching his nose. He grabbed Louis left hand and started to swing slowly, Louis put his right hand on Harry’s shoulder, not sure if the guy was okay. ‘Jazz, Louis, is the remedy of everything.’ He put his cheek against Louis’ head. Harry’s skin was soft and warm. His cheek was burning hot.

 

Zayn looked at them and smiled, Louis knew that face, it was the ‘aw’ face. Liam was smiling too and winked at Louis, it made Louis laugh, his friends could be so extra. Niall was tap-dancing, he was pretty good at it.

 

‘I think I’m drunk.’ Harry whispered into Louis’ ear.

‘No shit.’ Louis teased. Harry was now murmuring Armstrong’s part. His voice was so deep, Louis tried not to be lulled.

‘You know, we could be friends.’ He said joyfully into Louis’ ear again. He then made him swirl. He looked at him and grinned.

‘Only if you forget about ties and being a jerk.’ Louis said looking straight in his eye. Harry shook his head suppressing a smile.

‘I was rude.’ He bent towards Louis again. His lips were slowly caressing Louis’ ear. He was referring to the white dinner. ‘And needy.’

'If that.' Louis teased.

 

Harry had been a complete dick. There was no other way to describe his behaviour. Louis had just accepted an impossible task. He was still wondering why Niall couldn't talk to Harry by himself. He would probably ask Niall one day.

 ‘You scared me.’ Louis added. Maybe it was in his imagination, but Louis felt Harry’s grip tightened.

'You too.' Harry was genuine but Louis didn't understand why. He tried to know more but Harry didn't let him. _Goody Goody_  was now played. ‘Thanks for the dance.’ He kissed Louis’ hand and joined Niall.

They started to dance together. The Prince looked like a young Mike Jagger, goofy and feminine. The scene was surreal. Harry had so many facets Louis couldn't follow.

 

He took out a cigarette and proposed one to Zayn who let go off his boyfriend.

‘I saw your face when you were dancing.’ He exhaled deeply.

‘It was just a dance.’ Louis flicked his smoke.

‘ If you say so.’ Zayn shied away.

‘ _Zayn_.’ The later grinned ‘No. I’m serious, you know me. I don't give a shit. As long as he doesn't burst my balls.

‘ Okay.’

‘You’re an idiot.’ Louis displayed his best resting bitch face.

 

**⁎**

 

Three days later.

 

Louis and Niall were studying French when Niall suddenly stood up and left the house. He had seen Harry and this Sebastian guy through the window.

‘Be right back.’ Louis looked through the window and to his disbelief, Harry and Niall were arguing. He stood up and stopped behind the living room door that Niall hadn’t closed properly. Niall and Harry came into the hall.

 

‘This is not okay H! You said it wasn’t him. You lied to me.’

‘Leave me alone.’ His tone was harsh.

‘I thought we agreed on this! Never again you said! You never listen H! I can't believe you lied.’ Niall shouted.

‘It’s not yours to decide!’ he shouted back. His voice was powerful and frightful. ‘Leave me, alone would you? You said you wanted me to be happy. I am quite content those days. I think we do boyfriends so what.’

 ‘SO, WHAT? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?’

‘You don’t understand. Nobody does. I thought you’d be happy to see me stable for once.’

‘I’m your best friend, I understand.’ Niall calmed down, but his voice was trembling. 'I don't want to see him. I swear to you I'll break his nose.'

‘Don’t tell me what to do, what do you know about love anyway. The only girl you ever loved left you without a goodbye. You're disposable.’

 

Silence. Harry had purposely hurt Niall. Louis felt angry and sad, how could Harry say that ? After all, Niall was his best friend. They had been living together for years. They were brothers. It must have been so painful to hear those words especially when they came from his best friend. Ever since they had met, Niall had never said something bad about anyone, the guy would find positivity in everyone. He had never belittled Harry.

He was easy-going and caring. As opposed to most people, Niall would listen. He deserved better. Harry had meant every word. He was mean on purpose, Louis found himself angry. Again Harry was a dick. Whatever he had with Sebastian was considered enough to break Niall’s heart. Deep down, Louis knew it wasn’t like Harry to say such thing. The prince was barely concerned about anything but he would always genuinely listen to what Niall had to say.

 

‘You know what Haz? Do as you want, see if I care. I won’t be here to pick up the pieces this time.’ Niall said before opening the door and he burst into Louis. Harry was gone already.

‘I-’ his cheeks were red, and he was on the verge of tears.

‘Are you okay Niall?’ Louis asked.

‘Yeah… Used to it.’ He sighed and scratched the back of his head.

Niall deserved so much better.

‘Let’s go to The Elephant House, grab a coffee.’ Louis offered gently.

‘What about our lesson?’

‘Later Ni.’

 

Niall talked. He and Essence had fallen in love. It took Niall three minutes to know he would fall. At least, that was what he said to Louis. She was the leading singer of a group. Niall had asked her out twice, she had refused until he had organised a whole concert for her. She was only joking because she had been the one to ask him for more than just a fuck. They had been living together for months until Niall had received a call from his father telling him to come back. Of course he had asked her to come with him. She said yes, Niall waited for hours at the airport, she never came.

 

**⁎**

Two days before the Halloween party.

 

Louis was waiting for Niall to come out of the shower and practice French. He was sipping his black tea and reading the journal in the kitchen. Harry’s estate could be so peaceful and cozy. There were fruits in a basket, and spices neatly arranged on the counter. Most of the time, Harry would make a cake, disposed on the counter too.

There were paintings, mostly chiaroscuro which would have been very creepy if not contrasted with the elegance and modernity of the pieces of furniture. The phonograph was shiny and waiting to be used. How many times had he scrutinized the many pictures on the wall?  Louis liked the place. He was there almost 5 days a week after all, it would have been a shame not to.

 

‘Took you long enough.’ Louis scoffed.

‘Hello to you too.’ Harry teased. He was dazzling in his pastel blue suit. His hair was tied in a bun, a white hair band reinforcing the contrast between the pale blue of the fabric and the darkness of his curls.

‘Hi. I thought you were Niall.’  He felt stupid. Harry grabbed an apple and peered at the newspaper above Louis’ shoulder.

‘When I was young I used to put the papers on my skin with water and let it soak on my skin so I would have tattoos.’ He said crushing the apple with his teeth.

‘Look at you now, dreams really do come true.’ Louis deadpanned. Harry licked his lip.

‘Sebastian is coming’ Harry paused, he had that peculiar way of saying names, as if they were roses, tender but stingy. ‘Don’t go upstairs.’ He bit into the apple again and moaned. ‘An apple a day keeps the plague spirits away.’ He said very casually.

 

That was it. As always, Harry had burst into the room, said his weird cue sorted out of a tale, and left. Louis had learnt not to care too much. It had been a good week, no fuss. Things were still strange between the two best friends though. Niall wasn't as pleased to see Harry coming home as he used to. Louis didn't ask about their fight and wouldn't.

 

**Harry Styles**

_Happy Halloween. I cannot wait to see yet another role of yours._


	3. Mint Green and Embroided Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You see I usually find myself among strangers because I drift here and there trying to forget the sad things that happened to me.

‘Be right back.’ Zayn said. He was disguised as a power ranger. Liam followed him, he had gone for a classic: Dracula.

Louis passed a herd of zombies and smiled at three sexy cheerleaders. John Snow was chatting with Cersei and Little Red Riding Hood was kissing David Bowie. The DJ was playing  _Thriller_.

‘Hey!’ Rowena kissed him on the cheek. ‘How you doing Robin?’

‘Hey!’ he looked at her, she was disguised as the princess from Beauty and the beast. She was stunning.

‘Where’s batman?’

‘Grabbing some drinks.’ A guy disguised as a baby stopped and shouted ‘KISS ON THE HAND’ everyone laughed and did as told. Rowena shrugged and kissed Louis’ hand.

‘Beware of Cupid.’ She winked. Tom arrived and kissed Louis.

‘You two are adorable.’ She said before disappearing into the crowd.

Eventually the music stopped, Harry and Niall went on stage. They were wearing old-school suits, like the guy from the Italian gangster movies.  

‘Ladies and gents, welcome to our Halloween feast.’ Niall shouted, everyone shouted back. ‘ You can find booze, pot and extras for free, with moderation obviously. We won’t be singing tonight’ the public complained ‘ I know I know! But there are many surprises, for those who enjoy good movies, we’ve got an open-air cinema. There’s also a 'blood' fountain, and our usual Hide-and-Seek at midnight.’

 He looked at Harry who nodded.

‘Beware of Cupid, you’re supposed to do as commanded. There’s also Medusa, don’t look at her otherwise you’ll have to do something for her.’ People looked at each other trying to find her. ‘And… the bears, they’ll bite you if you don’t freeze.’

‘Let the show begin’ Niall grinned.

Louis and Tom started to dance, they had to stop twice for the bears had crossed the room. Tom had to do 100 pumps because he had looked at Medusa who was no one but Carolina herself. Eventually he saw Harry in his field of vision and joined him.

‘Louis.’ He said with an awful Italian accent. Louis laughed.

‘Don’t.’ Harry scrunched his nose. ‘Having fun?’

 

Harry was ethereal: he looked like a gangster and one of the iconic actors from the 60s at the same time. He was wearing lipstick and highlighter. Louis tried not to stare. A wave of his perfume reached his nose.

 

‘Glad you’re here.’ Harry said looking at Tom. ‘Batman and Robin huh?’

‘I wanted to be Louis XVI but you know…’

‘Shame. Royalty suits you.’ Harry said absently. He was about to say something when Cupid shouted: ‘KISS ON THE FOREHEAD’.

Louis looked at Tom and stepped back but Harry grabbed his arm. He dragged him gently. He cupped Louis’ face and kissed his forehead. Louis closed his eyes and placed his hands on Harry’s arms mechanically. His face buried into Harry’s neck, Louis wasn’t able to catch Harry’s glare at Tom.

 

‘Have a good night, Robin. Please, join me later for the hide-and-seek.’ Louis looked at Tom and back to Harry but the prince was gone.

 They talked again way later that night. Tom was already home because of a bad headache and without admitting it to himself, Louis felt less odd. 

'Are you enjoying this party?' Louis read on Harry's lips. 

'Now that many have gone home, yes.' Harry was amused and no sooner had he wanted to reply than Carolina popped up from behind. 

'I dare you to kiss the one you like the most in this room.' she was holding him from behind, Harry was smiling, lulled by the swing. He genuinely liked her. Louis was expecting him to turn around and kiss her but he replied instead, 'You can't kiss a voice, only listen to it.' 

Carolina frowned but immediately smiled when Harry turned his head. Louis tried his best to act casual so as she wouldn’t know he was the voice. He felt his cheeks reddened and took a sip of his glass.

‘Are you joining us for the hide-and-seek Louis?’ She asked, a hand on Harry’s shoulder, his mouth against her neck. Whatever they were, Sebastian didn’t seem to matter, or was it because Harry was drunk? Did a kiss even matter according to his rules? ‘Harry placed a crown somewhere, the one who finds it can be on the next list.’

Harry stepped aside and looked at Louis straight in the eye. For the first time this night, he looked interested.

‘Not interested. I’m going home but you two have fun.’ Louis said awkwardly. By their body language, he could tell they were having sex, Carolina’s position was secured and she was enjoying her power of Louis. He wouldn’t be a part of this.

 

**⁎**

 

The day after. Louis and Tom had spent the day sleeping, too hangover to do anything else. The apartment was peaceful, Liam was working at the garage for it was Sunday. Zayn was always calm anyway. He woke up and came into the living room, he was a mess. Zayn wasn't doing much better.

He had deep black circles under his eyes, messy hair, and bare chest with a woolen pajamas. He was preparing something to eat behind the counter of the open kitchen. Without talking he handed a cup of coffee and a cigarette to Louis. Best mate ever.

He sat one of the kitchen stool contemplating the blackness of the coffee. He was still drunk from the Halloween party.

‘Louis?'

'Hm?'

'I was saying can I borrow your car? I really need to get this material for my model and Liam is working… all the shops are closed except Warehouse51.’

It took one minute for Louis to understand the request.

‘Course, be back before 5:30 though, fam dinner tonight.’ Zayn rubbed his face and sighed deeply. 'You want to come?'

'Too tired.' Louis muttered. He was probably sure to puke if he were to drive right now. 'Keys on my desk. Tom's sleeping.'

‘Thanks man. Be right back.’

 

Louis had one hour and a half to kill. He decided to take a bath for Tom was still sleeping. He enjoyed the water for thirty minutes before feeling bored and getting out. He opted for his a black and yellow striped sweater, grey cotton trousers and his old pair of vans. As usual, Rosie would have something to say about the way he looked so the least he could do was to feel comfy.

Tom finally emerged from the depths of alcoholism and joined him on the couch. He hugged Louis and put his head on his lap for a while. It was 5:10 when he received a text from Zayn.

 

_Car crash on the way home. Trying my best._

**Loo**

_Try the southwest road?_

**Zee**

_Shut for roadwork._

‘Fuck.’ Louis complained. Karma was a bitch. ‘Try your best’ he texted back. Tom looked at him with curiosity.

'Zayn's my car. Road accident. Shit' He stood up, Tom mumbled something for he had been comfortably laying until then. Louis grabbed his packet of cigarettes on the kitchen counter and lit one. He could already hear Rosie complaining about how rude it was to be late for diner. He could see the expression of boredom of his father’s face. It never led to something good, so why trying? He had already put so many efforts to be liked and interesting. No one gave a shit except George.

 

5:45pm

**Zee**

_Won’t make it. Sorry mate._

He exhaled deeply and dialed the number of the only person that would help for sure. ‘Hello, you’ve reached the voicemail of Niall. Please leave a message. I’ll call you ASAP.’

He called him four times. No answer.  _Fine._  Maybe he was home or playing golf without his phone. Maybe Harry was with him. He looked at Tom who was watching Games of Thrones and hesitated. That was the smartest thing he could do so he dialed their estate.

‘Harry Styles speaking.’

‘Hi. Harry. It’s Louis. Hm- I tried to call Niall, he’s not answering. Do you know where he is?’ Tom put the show on pause.

‘In his room… ‘

‘Could you call him?’

‘I’m afraid he is busy at the moment.’ Busy meant sleeping with Andréa, his new crush.

‘Fuck. Hm…’

‘What did you want?’

‘I need a ride. I could take a cab I guess.’

‘A ride.’

‘To see my dad.’

‘So, you have a dad.’ Louis frowned. Why so curious suddenly? 

‘Yes?? Anyway, if you could knock at his door and tell him to call me back.’

‘When were you supposed to leave?’

‘6.’

Silence.

‘Wait outside your apartment at 6 then.’ Harry hung up.

At 6, the couple came out of the apartment.

'Wait with me please.' Louis kissed Tom on the cheek. He wasn't in the mood for surprises. He hated not having answers. They waited on the pavement a few minutes until a red Pontiac GTO stopped. Louis gasped, he knew immediately what was happening, it couldn’t be true. He looked at Tom and as expected he was mad once again. Louis kissed him and he left immediately.

Harry came out of the car, opened the passenger door and proceeded. He glanced at Tom.

‘If you please.’ Louis shook his head. Harry could be so extra.

He sat on the passenger sit and forgot how to breathe. The interior material of the car was entirely black. It was the perfect match between elegance and flair.

‘Address please?’

‘11 Almond Creak, Forthmouth.’ Louis said taken aback. Harry typed the address on the GPS, started the car without further due. ‘Are we genuinely doing this?’

‘Pardon me?’

‘You driving me around.’ He looked at Harry but the later was focused on the road. His black suit made him look like one of his butlers.

‘I thought it might help.’

‘Course and thank you. But, I didn’t think you’d  _be_  the help. Sending one of your butlers would have been more logical.’

‘Are you saying you don’t enjoy my company Tomlinson?’  he teased still peering at the road. Louis scoffed.

‘Fuck you, you know what I mean.’ He faked being annoyed. Harry smirked. The fucker smirked.

‘Don't you remember what I said? No slurs. It’s a two-hour ride, you needn't make a fuss about it.’ Louis took out a cigarette but Harry stole it from his mouth and held it in front of his face.

‘No smoke in this car.’ Louis took it and put it back on the packet.

‘Awesome.’ He mumbled.

 

Louis remained silent until, almost against his will, he heard himself ask about the winner of the hide-and-seek.

‘For someone who loathes the list. I found you very inquisitive.’

‘Sebastian must have been very pleased.’ Louis regretted his move immediately. Harry looked at him with a strange expression on his face.

‘Do not say his name.’  Harry didn’t speak until they reached the city outskirts. Louis turned on the radio and sang along from time to time. Eventually  _Endless Love_  by Lionel Richie came on the radio. Louis looked at Harry and waited for him to sing. Harry felt Louis’ eye and looked at him with one of his eyebrow raised.

‘What?’

‘You tell me you’re not going to sing along?’ Louis teased. He displayed his best resting bitch face. He loved that song, Louis just knew it.

Harry suppressed a smile. It was nothing, it lasted a split-second but Louis caught the dimple anyway. Louis waited, four seconds later, Harry was singing his lungs out.

‘You’re supposed to go.’ Harry stated. Louis sighed, he had no desire whatsoever to dine with a family that wasn’t his. ‘But you don’t want to.’

‘Hm…’ he coughed ‘I could say that. My father and I are not really close. Been like that for years. I’m kinda tired of trying.’

Harry didn’t reply but Louis could feel he wasn’t pleased with the situation and wanted to talk about it but wouldn’t for he was too polite to ask. Without understanding why, a wave of guilt hit Louis. He felt dumb for not wanting to spend time with his family.

‘I’m gonna go now.’ He forced himself to smile. ‘Thanks Harry. I owe you one. Tell Niall I hate him.’

 

**⁎**

Poppy Red

 

I Carolina Johnson

II Rose Carpenter

III Stephan Williamson

IV Marc Dubois

V Lisa Moreno

VI Elisabeth Courtesy

VII John Hill

VIII Steve Davis

 ~~Louis~~ ~~Tomlinson~~

 

'So he just drove you home?' Zayn said sipping his iced-coffee. Louis nodded feeling anxious.

'I need to tell you something. But don't get on your high horse.' Zayn looked around, The Elephant House was unusually crowded. 'Remember the white dinner? I may have walked with Harry and recited him poems. Well he was suddenly sad and shit and I don't know I couldn't take it. And, he said something really strange during the Halloween party. Carolina asked him about kissing the thing he liked the most and he said 'you can't kiss a voice, only listen to it.' and now the drive.'

'You didn't feel like you had to do those things, did you?' Louis shook his head no. 'So why are you ashamed of it?' Louis cleaned the table mechanically.

Truth was, Louis had never done such thing for a guy and now he was afraid it might mean something. Some parts of him loathed the play orchestrated by Harry, others were dying to play a major role in it.

'Listen man, if you're worried about Tom, it's nothing. You two love literature, it happens. Maybe he said that because it's true, I mean... Maybe he really liked your voice the most I don't know. It's Harry, I don't understand one single bit of him but don't worry too much right? He has a boyfriend. And _you_ have one.' 

'I didn't mean it that way.' Louis said quickly before going back to work. 

**⁎**

 

One week after Halloween.

Zayn, Liam and Louis were hosting a party, to everyone’s complete surprise Louis had invited Harry. Compared to the kind of parties they were now used to attending, it sounded quiet. Louis wanted to properly thank him for the ride nonetheless. They actually had fun in the car and he was thankful for Harry hadn’t asked about Louis’ issues. He never felt right to talk about that, even Zayn knew the bare minimum. Talking hurt. He made Louis feel so lonely he would always cry and ask why, what had he done to not deserve a proper family? Anyway, Harry and him hadn’t fought since the white dinner, Louis had started to think that they would become friends soon enough.

 

 _Thunder_ was played loud, there were no more than twelve people in the apartment, lights were turned off and the balcony opened to let everyone breathe. Louis was talking to Grim, Juan and Tasha when he saw Harry. The prince kissed Liam on the cheek, being his usual charming self without the vile attitude.  He hugged Zayn tight and replaced his fringe. Liam handed him a shot and he swallowed it. He licked his lips and caught Louis’ eye. He joined the group.

‘Gents.’ He kissed Tasha on the cheek, of course she blushed. Then, he quickly hugged Grim and Juan. They had come many times to his parties, and they actually liked Harry. Louis had been pissed at first, but now that his old and new friends belonged to the same circle, parties were even better. Which wasn’t that bad after all.

‘Louis.’ He said taking the joint Louis had stuck behind his ear and put it between his lips.Ok, well, hot as fuck.

 _I’m a believer_ by The Monkees came on shuffle.

‘Gosh I love this song.’ Harry mumbled and started to dance the usual goofy way. Louis laughed and waited for the little show to finish. He grabbed Tasha by the hand and made her swirl, as anyone else she was under his spell. ‘Then I saw _your_ face now I’m a believer’ Harry sang along looking at Louis.

He stopped, kissed Tasha’s hand and made sign to Louis to go outside. He grabbed two drinks on the counter on the way.

‘Good mood?’ Louis lit the joint and grabbed one of the drink. He was now switching from drags and sips.

‘I couldn’t say that no.’ he smiled anyway. Louis gave him the joint, he took a long drag and exhaled deeply.

 

 _Tonight we are young so let’s set the world on fire_ was echoing on the balcony _._

‘Niall told me you wanted me here.’ he said very seriously.

‘Why that face? Are you saying you don’t enjoy my company Styles?’ Louis teased. Harry took his drink back and lifted it to his mouth. ‘Silence speaks volumes.’ Louis added. Harry licked his lips and passed the joint. 'Anyway I wanted you here to thank you for the ride.' 

'It was nothing. You should thank Niall for being a poor friend.' Harry waved his hand with grace. Louis laughed before taking a puff. 

 

Harry looked at the sky and suddenly his whole traits changed. Louis tried to decipher his thought but couldn’t. ‘Do you love your dad Louis?’ Harry asked still peering at the sky. Louis almost choked with the smoke.

‘I guess.’

‘Why are you so sad then?’ it was more of a statement than a question. How could he know? Louis took a long drag and flicked the joint. He looked around to see if someone was coming before thinking about an answer. ‘Why were you stressed about the family reunion?’

'Why do you want to know?'

'You're odd. I don't want you to feel odd when the night is supposed to be fun.' 

'I don't talk.' Louis said feeling sheepish and weak.

'My apologies.' Harry said before leaving the balcony and opening the french-window to leave the balcony but Louis really didn't want to be left alone so he opened his mouth.

‘I don’t fit.’ He said trying not to shake. Words were so much heavier when uttered, now the universe knew.

Harry closed the French-window not minding the strange looks from the people inside. There was no sense of intimacy in small parties, large parties truly were so most intimate. Harry turned around, looked at him and took the joint. He put it to his mouth but frowned when he saw that it was extinguished.

‘Wait.’ Louis lit it for him. ‘I don’t want to talk about it Harry but now that words are spoken, don't leave.’ He added. It was kind to try but Louis couldn’t, not now, not never. It was supposed to be a good night. 

 

 ‘It’s his birthday today.’ he peered at the starry sky again.’My father. Jaden. He would have been 48.’

  _Would have._

‘Harry…I’m sorry.’

‘He used to love this kind of night, when the stars are visible but quite hidden from us to see. He died when I was 14. Heart attack.’

 

Suddenly it made sense. That was why Harry had been upset in the car. At this moment, Harry was simply trying to find his father among the points of light. Louis looked up too, the sky was wonderful. Only now he realized it was the first time in a long time that he gave it attention. He looked at Harry, the prince was outrageously beautiful. The scene could have been a painting if only it hadn't been so tragic.

 

‘I used to suck at astronomy, but he loved the stars so much I decided to study it anyway. I got an A that day, I was so happy to tell him. I found him on the floor, my other father by his side. The emptiness swallowed me that day. Funny how one can be filled by void, don’t you think?’

 

His voice was so calm and melodious, one could have sworn he was reciting a poem. That was the part of Harry Louis had wished to see for so long. He was a prince, but not for the fame, not for his manners or status. He owned the world through his sensitiveness.

Louis watched Harry without saying anything, he thought about a million words that were not enough. Then he thought about a quote that could have summed up the whole situation: ‘ _Je suis doué d’une sensibilité absurde, ce qui érafle les autres me déchire._ ’ By Flaubert. Literally: I am burdened with an absurd sensitiveness, what scratches the others tears me apart."

 

Truth be told, the void had never left, it was clear now. Louis looked at him, there was nothing it could do except listening. He took the joint from Harry's fingers and extinguished it. 

‘What are you doing?’ Harry frowned. 

‘Come here.’ Louis said before hugging Harry. The warmth of the contact reminded him that the world had not entirely faded away yet. He placed his arms around his neck and pressed gently. A wave of Harry’s perfume hit his nostrils. It smelled like a Sunday morning under the sheets. Harry put his large hands on Louis’ back. The warmth reached his skin through the fabric. Harry placed his head on Louis’ shoulder. Louis was holding tight, he had read somewhere that one of the best ways to make someone feel safe was to hold the person very tight to release the tensions.

 

'People are going to see us.'

'They can think whatever they want.' Louis said before breaking the embrace.

‘How many times do you think someone can die?’ he mumbled, He looked at the stars once again.

‘He’s proud of you.’ Louis heard himself state.

'Depends on the parts he sees.' Harry said with a subtle difficulty.

'He sees what matters.' Louis was sure of it. Again, he wondered how could his friends not notice the sadness in Harry's eyes and if they realised who they truly had as a friend. Harry was so much more than his public persona. Louis only hoped the prince would eventually leave his realm of despair.

Harry looked at him, the sadness had disappeared. He took out the lighter from Louis pocket.

‘We should go back inside. You’re freezing.’ Harry was right, he wasn’t drunk enough not to feel the cold. Louis looked at the edge of the balcony and remembered they had some alcohol to drink, he swallowed the content in a gulp. It made Harry laugh.

‘What?’

‘That little hug of yours.’ Harry mocked.

 

_Fucker._

 

Louis looked at him from top to bottom and displayed his well-known resting bitch face.

‘Eat me. I was trying to be kind.’ Harry didn't say anything but took his own drink and put it to his lips. 

‘Now everyone is gong to think you’re on the list.’

‘You wish.’ Louis heard himself say before biting his lips.

‘Thanks for the invitation.’ Harry said smirking, they went back inside.

 

The party was perfectly going on until Sebastian came in. Harry had been more or less the Harry Louis appreciated. He had danced with many, sang along, joked around. No sooner had the guy entered the apartment than Harry was back on his usual bullshit again. The guy stood in front of the entrance door, he dragged Harry and kissed him. Louis looked at Niall who shook his head. So, he was still mad at Harry. Who was this guy? Niall wouldn’t hate someone without any reason.

The guy whispered something, and Harry immediately went to hug Zayn and Liam. He was leaving. Louis felt angry, of course he had the right to leave but he wouldn’t have if the guy hadn’t shown up. He attended to join Louis, the guy said something Louis didn’t understand, Harry stepped back and left.

‘You’re mad.’ Zayn said pinching Louis’ cheek, he was trying his best to make him feel better but everyone could tell Louis was mad and truth be told, he didn’t really care.

Louis shook his head still think about the talk on the balcony, how he would tease Harry for the only reason that it felt natural. He thought about Tom and his stomach shrunk. ‘I’ll call Tom. I need to see him.’ He said trying his best to convince himself it would suffice.

 

‘I want you to fuck me.’ Louis breathed into Tom’s mouth later that night.

 

**⁎**

 

Harry did not speak to Louis after the party.  ‘Busy’ he had offered as a poor excuse when Louis had asked to talk.

So, Louis waited and waited. Days had passed, no talk, only Harry kissing random people, flirting, chitchatting with the brightest smile on his face. His last fuck had been Elisabeth Courtesy, another name on the list. Harry and she had finally reappeared, red lips, sweaty skin. Louis was pissed to see that Harry had put his mask back on. He was so good at faking it, like an actor in front of a camera, let's roll. 

 

‘I’m gonna kill him Ni.’ Louis genuinely was in a foul mood.

‘Be patient. He will come back. You two are… _doing great._ ’

‘Loot at him, smoke and mirrors. Gonna smoke a blunt. I can’t watch this shitshow anymore.’

 

Louis meandered until he found the perfect spot: the room of the interior pool. Three joints later he was finally relaxed. Except that Harry had now entered his field of vision. He reached one of the patio sofas. With Louis sitting on the diving platform, they were literally a pool away.

Harry didn’t see him.

‘Tell me my number;’ The guy on his lap said.

‘It doesn’t matter Steve.’ Harry replied kissing him harder. The guy tried to grab his notebook.

‘Let me have a look.’ The notebook fell between the cushions of the sofa.

‘I said no.’ His voice was deeper now. ‘If you want me to fuck you stay in your lane.

Louis watched the scene, speechless. They kissed harder, the guy was opening Harry’s mint green shirt. There were roses embroided, it truly was a beautiful suit. 

‘I’ll make you moan louder than Lizzy did.’ Harry mumbled something in his ear and the guy laughed. How could they be so dumb not to see that Louis was sitting on the pool platform? The guy went down on his knees. Enough was enough. Louis climbed down the platform, carefully avoiding to fall into the water and joined them.

‘Get the fuck outta here. If you’re not gone within five seconds I’ll punch you so hard you won’t remember why you were on your knees in the first place.’

 

 

The guy ran away without further due.

Harry was scrutinizing him now, messy hair, shiny lips, wide-open shirt.

‘What you think you’re doing?’ Harry raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth slightly but didn’t talk.

‘People are not objects you twat. That also includes _you_. Look at you, smiley all night long. Why are you so fake? What are you avoiding me huh? Two names in what night, wow. Impressed.’

Harry was eating him with his eyes, wasted.

‘I don’t understand any of your shit. Thank you for saying goodbye last time by the way. You left like a thief. ‘Busy’ you’re a shithead you know that?’ he waited but Harry didn’t answer. ‘I thought you had finally stopped your bullshit. Say something for fuck sake!’ he shouted without regret.

‘You gonna fuck me or what?’ Harry said before he smirked.  Louis looked left and right and scoffed.

 

_Fucker. Fine.  let’s play._

He grabbed Harry by the shirt and made him stand. Their noses were touching, Louis could feel Harry’s warm breath. He stepped back still holding Harry and slowly but surely, they switched position with Harry turning his back to the pool.

Their lips were touching, they were breathing each other. Harry tried to kiss him but Louis shook his head inches from Harry’s mouth. Harry smirked and licked his lips. Louis smiled and pushed him in the water falling with the prince.

 

When they came to the surface Harry looked at Louis who was smirking and Harry shook his head in utter disbelief.

‘For fuck sake! Why did you do that?’

‘Can we talk now?’ Louis was feeling himself. ‘Or you’re still a dick?’ 

‘You happy?’ Harry said water dripping on his mouth. Louis shrugged and Harry laughed. It could have been the cutest and hottest laugh Louis had ever heard if only the situation were different.

‘This is not funny.’ He said splattering water at Harry. ‘Look how drunk you are.’

‘I’ve known worse.’ Harry said smiling brightly. He truly was mesmerizing when he was himself.

 

‘See? That’s the problem. Going through worse doesn’t make this situation less pathetic.’ His smile faded away immediately.

‘Pathetic.’ He said before swimming to the other side of the pool and sitting on its edge. ‘You do know me after all.’

‘I wasn’t talking about you but this whole mess. You being the shadow of a guy everyone seems to loathe. Who is he anyway? That boyfriend of yours. ’

‘Does it matter?’ he looked at the water.

‘I’m just curious cause my friends don’t know him, your 'friends' don't give a shit as long as you're not stopping the list but Niall hates him and that's something. Plus, you lose your shit when he’s around.’ Louis spat. It sounded more bitter than intended.

A pause.

‘You and your dumb list.'

'Holier-than-thou.' Harry criticized.

'I don't give a damn shit about your list, it's just a shame you're only showing this aspect of your personality. That and the fact that you're drinking yourself under the table.’

‘You’re so high the whole room is a fucking bong. I suggest you look at yourself and then we’ll talk.’

 

Louis’ answer never came. Harry had a point. Louis would get high to forget his issues, to feel something else than boredom or loneliness. What were the reasons for Harry? Was he trying to forget or to make something happen? 

Harry shook his head and let himself fall back into the pool. He drifted away, floating peacefully. Louis stopped trying, at least for five minutes. He sat on one of the edges and watched Harry. His skin looked soft, impeccable. He had his palms towards the ceiling and was humming slightly. Louis tried his best not to look at his boner.

‘Can we-’

‘You’re so talkative Louis, can’t you just float? I don’t want to talk about me. Don’t want to talk about my fucks. I'm tired of you making me talk. You never talk but expect me to, it does not make sense, is it difficult to understand?’

‘The pain won’t go away just because you ignore it.’

‘What do you know about pain.’

‘Shitty dad? absent mother? Loneliness? Not being able to fit? Heartache? You?’ Just like that Louis' heart split in two. The words themselves hurt. Maybe that was why Louis would always try with Harry, both of them were lonely in their own special way. Against all odds, it felt good to pronounce those words. Like a weight fading away. 

 

Suddenly Harry turned over and swam in Louis direction. He reached him and dragged him in the water. He cupped Louis’ face and the bottomless green ocean met the bright blue sky.

Water was dripping down his neck and lips, Louis could barely see him because of the backlight. A contrario, Harry could see Louis perfectly from the softness of his eyelashes to the strong lines of his jaw.

'It's such a shame Louis. How could _you_  among so many feel that way ?' Harry brushed his thumb against Louis' cheek. What was that supposed to mean? Louis frowned so Harry followed ' You're exquisite.' Louis couldn’t move, he was stuck between Harry’s large hands that were forcing him to look straight into his eye.

Louis was powerless, on the line between faith and blindly waiting. _'You're exquisite'_ it sounded so simple, two plus two equals four. Louis hated maths. He tried his best not to cry, his throat was aching, words stuck. He prayed silently for Harry to stop peering at his soul.

‘ _Me_.’ Harry added.

‘Those people only want your fame and money. You can do better than that.’ He attempted to say more but Harry cut him.

‘What if I can’t? Wouldn’t you lose interest?’  his hands were still firmly cupped around Louis' face. Small drops were running along the sharpness of his nose, the water was warm, the prince was still shaking. 

‘I-’

‘Harry! We’ve been looking for you!’ the guy who had just burst into the room said. ‘Carolina’s not doing so well, the ambulance came.’

**…**

 

‘So, they called an ambulance?’ Tom said caressing Louis’ chest. ‘How come did you two not realise Carolina was a mess?’

 ‘We weren’t in the house.’ Tom lifted his head and frowned at Louis. ‘We were chatting, Harry and I, near the pool.’ Tom sighed. ‘What?’

‘You told me you didn’t like him.’ Tom explained. ‘And yet, you’re _always_ with him. Remember the Halloween party? When he kissed you. _And_ the ride. And now he bought you a brand new phone.’

‘Please don’t. It was nothing. We talked because he was wasted. I didn’t want him to get hurt. That’s called common sense. My phone fell into the pool that’s all.’ Louis said remembering Harry’s lips way too close to his mouth just before the fall. ‘He probably felt guilty and bought me one.’ he was lying, there was more than that but even Louis couldn't put words on it, he would wait until the unfathomable would make sense.

‘You still want to be his friend. You still care.’

Louis couldn’t answer to that. There was no lost cause if there was but one fool to fight for it. The thing was, before Harry, Louis hadn’t given a single shit about lost causes. It wasn’t his thing. But, Harry, although being a scandalmonger doubled with a neurotic bourgeois, had made him want to care.

He couldn't possibly had his eyes shut when Harry was a museum, could he? Why was Tom so upset anyway? There was nothing to worry about. 

 

 


	4. Poppy Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If language truly sways the way we comprehend this world, how do you expect me not to see life as a prism whose infinite facets reflect yet another version of you?

A week later, the boys were supposed to dine together, of course Niall Zayn and Liam were running late. Niall had left Louis alone to pick Liam and Zayn up because Liam’s car tire had broken. Harry had come home, they would have to cook together.

‘Omelette for us and red beans with sautéed mushrooms and mashed potatoes for the couple. Pumpkin pie for dessert?’

‘Is there something you’re bad at?’ Louis mocked.

‘Only one.’

‘Chess?’

‘Practiced for ten years.’

‘Football?’

‘Never tried. We need to get going before they come back.’

‘Here we go again.’

‘What?’ he put the ingredients on the counter.

‘You and your overrated silence.’ He took a bowl out of the cupboard and started cracking the eggs. Harry stepped toward the sink and started to wash the potatoes.

‘I said I needed help I never said I wanted you to talk.’ Louis bit his lip. _Fucker._

‘That’s why you asked me to stay.’

‘Only to gain time, I don’t want the diner to be ruined.’ Harry could be so persuasive, Louis cracked an egg more violently than intended.

‘You don’t need me. I could have studied in the library.’ He turned around to face Harry but the later didn’t move. So, he stepped to his side to catch his attention. ‘Hey!’

Harry turned his head nonchalantly and looked at him with a strange expression, as if words were flowing but only in his mind.

‘I needed an assistant.’

‘Bullshit.’ He offered a fake smile. ‘You know what. I’m done.’ Harry shut the tap and stared at Louis who was lightening a cigarette already.

‘Pardon me? Why so serious? You’re such a drama queen.’ he put the washed potatoes near the sink and grabbed the nearest towel. He had a way of drying his hands, a grace rarely seen.

‘Drop the attitude. It may work with the entire world but not with me.You know why I’m always mad at you, it’s just this time. Overdoing everything. Extra politeness, extra smiles, extra manners. You can’t fool me Harry. I know too well how to fake it. You could just show me the parts I like.’ Louis exhaled heavily waiting for the nicotine to take effect.

‘That’s a rather selfish demand. Can you be what I demand for once?’

‘Which is?’

‘Someone who smokes outside, you know the rules. Someone who doesn’t pretend to know me by heart.’

Louis was already walking towards the door. ‘Inever said I knew you by heart but I  know a lot. I know that you’ve got issues and that you’re hiding behind your pretty face. I know that you want to talk only you think no one will listen.’ Louis replied while crossing the terrace and reaching his favorite spot to smoke joints with Niall.

The stone bench in front of the shabby fountain. Given the fact that this fountain was situated in the private area, Louis had always wondered why they never changed it for a new one. Harry stopped just before the stairs, standing still at the terrace.

'I know that you were talking about me when you said something about listening to a voice. I know that you always wait until Niall goes to the loo so you can popped up make me smile and go back to your room. I know that you're lying to everyone, especially yourself and that's why I scared you when you were high that night, innit? Cause you said it, I'm a dot, I don't fit in your perfect play but you like it. I also know that whatever is going on in your love life doesn’t suit you and for reasons I don’t understand Sebastian hates me and Tom hates you.'

‘Don’t be rude.’

‘Honest.’

‘You upset me.’

‘Why? Because for once someone is not blinded by your lies?’ This time Harry sat on the stairs.

‘All the world’s a stage Louis.’

‘Come off it. I’m sick of your play. Be real.’ The wind was freezing.

‘I thought you hated people forcing others to change.’

‘I’m asking you _not_ to change, pretty damn different. What’s the matter about being you? Why can’t we ever talk? Does it always have to be you being wasted and me, pampering you?’

‘Excuse me but I have a diner to prepare.’ Louis stood up and passed over Harry.

‘I’m going to see Tom.’

‘Still coming tonight I hope.’

_‘I think the fuck not.’_

⁎

He texted Tom and didn’t wait for an answer to go to his place.

 

‘What’s the matter.’

‘Nothing.’ Louis said lightening a cigarette. Tom was peering at him from the other side of the living room.

‘Louis. Tell me.’

‘I’m pissed that’s all.’

‘Why?’

‘Cause I had to cook.’

‘That’s all.’

‘Yes.’ He spat.

‘Louis.’ Louis was shaking. ‘There’s more, look at you.’

‘Harry.’ Tom sighed. Every time Louis or his friends would mention Harry, Tom would get pissed. Louis hadn’t understood why, even Zayn had noticed.

‘What did he do this time?’

 

 _He won’t talk_. Louis thought but it didn’t make sense. Harry had the right to remain silent, to not want to be his friend. He was frustrated, and he knew Tom was upset to see Louis try.

 

‘He never-’ he sighed.

‘He never what?’ he hurried.

‘He won’t talk.’ Tom scoffed.

‘Does it matter anyway?’ As much as Louis didn’t want it to, it did matter.

‘Come on Lou. Can’t you just drop it? The city’s full of Bourgeois you can find another one.’

‘I see him almost every day, what do you want me to do? Just ignore him?’

‘You could try that yes. I swear the guy never changes.’

‘What?’ Tom blushed. ‘What did you say? The guy never changes. What do you mean? ’

‘I know him that’s all.’ He blushed.

‘You never told me.’

‘Cause it doesn’t matter.’ He coughed. There was so much more than met the eye.

‘How did you meet him.’

‘Louis.’

‘No tell me.’

‘School.’

‘Were you close?’

‘Barely.’

‘Bullshit. Speak.’ He was overwhelmed with anger.

‘There’s nothing to say really. Could you just focus on us and drop it seriously why do you care so much. The guy is already lost anyway.’ 

‘Why do you hate him so much? It seems like you don’t want us to be friends and I really don’t get why.’

‘Cause you want to be his friend?’

‘You know what? I’m going home.’

’Please Lou.’

’No. You don’t want to explain yourself to me? Fine but I don’t see the point of staying here longer. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

⁎

 

Days passed again, Harry didn’t even bother to fake a smile this time. He was just avoiding Louis not minding his presence. Louis would wait for Niall watching Harry and his boyfriend flirt and discuss literature. Louis didn’t mind, at all. 

 

‘Why did I have to come again?’ Louis said placing the cutlery on the basket. I hate picnics. Harry doesn’t even talk to me and I don’t want to see him with the shithead dandy.’ Louis said lowering his voice, Zayn was chatting with Liam and he really didn’t want them to hear his remarks. 

‘Sebastian is not invited. Just close friends.’ Louis glanced around, Harry entered the scene, accompanied with Sam Davis. 

‘Why would Harry invite Steve Davis’s cousin?’ Louis said at Niall who frowned and avoided to answer, ‘ Ni.’

‘Steve was on the list but Harry said he wasn’t worth it so he picked his cousin instead. Happened rarely, whatever happened Harry must have been very upset to scrib him out of the list.’ 

They started with champagne and blueberries, it took three glasses for Louis to get tipsy. Zayn and Liam were playing and kissing, they looked adorable  but made Louis feel awfully lonely. Niall was playing the guitar accompanied by Sam who didn’t seem to realise Harry was closing his eyes, his elbows on the grass. 

‘Louis?’ Harry hummed not opening his eyes, he sighed deeply and followed, ‘would you mind walking around with me ?’ 

Sam turned his head in concern but Harry couldn’t care less. He stood up with a natural grace and took the bottle of champagne, his rings clicked on the glass. ‘How do I look?’ He asked Sam while replacing his crown between his curls. His glittery golden shirt was making his skin look flawless, his black trousers fit perfectly around the curves of his buttocks. He didn’t wait Sam’s answer to thank him and grabbed Louis’ hand. 

 

‘You didn’t talk. I must start to wander if I’ve ever interested you Louis. Really hurtful.’ 

‘Sebastian and others were all eyes on you, I thought they’d be enough to nurture your ego.’ 

Harry stopped, let Louis’ hand fall and took a sip looking at his friends from afar. He turned his head back at Louis and scrunched his nose. ‘Always the ton of accusation.’ 

‘I’m sorry I’m not you or Tom. I can’t keep my mouth shut.’ Louis spat before thinking and immediately regretted it. Now Harry knew they had talked about him. 

‘What did he tell you?’ Harry said passing the bottle before walking again. 

’That you two had been friends. That’s all.’

‘Friends? I suppose yes.’ Harry sounded surprised. He led Louis, pushing him slightly with his fingers on the waist. 

‘You know, I’m not asking for too much, I just want you to stop lying to me. What happened between you two?’ 

‘I got bored and right now you’re annoying me Louis. I asked for a walk not an inquiry. Please could you enjoy this perfect day and stop hurting my feelings? Tell me a story or poems you know I love them.’ 

 

Harry sounded out of reach, Louis looked at his pupils, they were dilated and almost erasing the green shades. He was on ecstasy again. Louis sighed.

 ‘Why does he hate the thought of us being friends?’ Louis heard himself say.

‘I have an answer to that but you’ll not like it. You need to stop rejecting me.’ Harry said grabbing Louis’ hand to make him twirl. ‘Dance with me.’ He said stepping closer and putting Louis’ spare hand on his shoulder. ‘Let’s pretend Sinatra is playing in the background. You’ve just finished your soliloquy and the audience is dying to know how the villain is going to steal your heart.’ 

Louis placed his hand on Harry’s shoulder and they intertwined their fingers. Harry’s shirt was itchy but he smelled good, Louis didn’t bother. 

 

‘We’re not in one of your plays and I’m upset. Plus, I don’t dance.’ Louis complained, Harry started to hum as an answer. His thumb was caressing Louis’ belly, the fabric of his t-shirt was so thin they could feel each other warmth. Harry’s breath was hot again Louis’ skin, his voice low and raspy.

‘You didn’t need to take some pills to have a good time.’ 

‘Forget about the parts of me you despise Louis. Sing with me, dance.’

The picnic was going on well until Harry left with Sam in the middle of dessert to have sex with him. Zayn immediately looked at Louis who sighed, obviously tired. 

‘Don’t say anything I’m so done with your pity Zee.’ 

‘Don’t leave. I thought we could party tonight.’ Niall added trying his best to ignore Zayn who was now mad at him for changing the subject. 

‘Why didn’t you tell me that Tom knew Harry? That they were friends?’ Louis spat while standing up, Niall went red. Liam frowned at Zayn who shrugged.

’It’s not my story to share. What would have been the point of telling you they are not friends anymore? They hate each other, just drop it?’

‘See you guys.’ Louis said trying his best to compose himself before leaving. He went back home, lit a joint and took a bath, crying silently because now again, he was lonely.  

He wondered why every single one of his relationship had the potentiality to be a mess. Was he the problem after all? Every time he had tried to make Harry be genuine. Every time he had asked questions, trying to get to know him better. He never worked, Harry had talked to him, had been genuine, but never when Louis had expected him to be. Maybe he was time to give up.

⁎

 

Louis was on the library of the French department, listening to 60s British pop songs when Harry sat next to him, Louis looked around and no one raised a brow. He was a nobody here. 

‘What do you want?’ Louis murmured looking at Harry’s parted lips. Harry came closer and murmured into Louis’ ear that he simply came to study. Louis displayed his best resting bitch face but Harry didn’t leave and opened a notebook instead. 

Harry would stare at him from time to time, only to plunge back to his reading. Louis had to admit it looked probably cringy on the outside but truth be told, he loved Harry’s eyes on him. Somehow the sea-green ocean soothed him in ways no one could.

They headed home together, Niall would be here probably cooking pasta and waiting for the two of them to watch a movie with him.

⁎

They ate and watched Doctor Strange, Harry was glued to the screen, mesmerized by the special effects. Niall was eating a donut, covering his shirt with sugar.

 

Louis didn’t wait for the film to end to leave the living room and reach the library. He peered at the books and search for something light to read before bed. That was when he saw a small section of notebooks at the top shelve. The leather covers were all worn-out and shabby. Harry had scribed words down the spines. There were diaries. Of course he wouldn’t have a look. Those were Harry’s private thoughts. He looked closer, just to look at the words on the covers and nothing more but as he grabbed one diary a piece of paper fell on the floor. Louis silently swore and pouted. He couldn’t read what was written but what was left to do? He wasn’t sure the piece of paper belonged to the diary he had grabbed, what if Harry came back to read it and found a page that didn’t fit?

 

He grabbed the piece of paper and read it, another list of name. People Louis had never heard about, he was about to put it back on the shelf when a name caught his attention. It was part of the list and was crossed out but Louis could read it perfectly: Tom Collins.

He didn’t bother telling Niall and Harry that he was leaving. He grabbed his phone from his back pocket and texted Tom that he was on his way.

 

‘Hi babe.’ Tom said opening the door so Louis could reach the living room. He sat on the couch and lit a cigarette. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Could you tell me why your name was written in Harry’s diary? I mean it wasn’t directly on his fuck list but it would make so much sense you know?’ he tried his best to remain calm focusing on his smoke. ‘That’s why you hate the thought of us being friends, innit? Cause you two dated and now you think he’s gonna steal me from you?’

 

‘No Louis. We didn’t.’

‘So what the fuck is going on?’ Louis’ voice cracked. He hated liars more than anything in the entire world.

‘My name was probably written cause I used to be on his list. Well, on their list. Sebastian included. He was the one behind the concept. They used to date, before Harry left for Jamaica.’

 

Niall’s words hit Louis’ head : _I thought we agreed on this! Never again you said! You never listen H!_

 

It made sense, that was why Louis and his friends had no idea who he was, that was why Harry’s friends were all weird every time Sebastian would attend the gigs. That was why Sebastian appearance was so rare within Harry’s circle. Why was Niall mad at him though? What had happened between Tom and Harry?

 

All Louis could do was snort. He felt nauseous.

 ‘I was single Louis. I wanted to have fun.’

 ‘Did you fuck him?’ he spat. Tom turned his head away. ’You did fuck him.’

‘No, I didn’t sleep with Harry. I fucked Sebastian.’

 

Louis was flabbergasted. Tom and Harry had been friends. Tom had fucked Sebastian. Louis’ stomach was going into knots. Nothing made sense and Louis was starting to regret having ever entered in that damn library.

‘And?’

‘Harry lost it and punched me in the face. He went crazy that night, I don’t know why. I mean, they had their agreement. He was wasted, I don’t know... We stopped being friends after that. Sebastian left, Harry left, that’s pretty much it.’

‘That’s why you’re ghosting every time he’s here?’

‘Yes.'

'Why are you mad at me for being his friend though? Are you scared I would actually want to be on the list?' Louis scoffed.

'No I- I'm scared he would fool you to hurt me, to revenge.'

'Because you fucked Sebastian right?' 

'Yes and also because he could have you.'

‘Do you think I’m a slut? Or a cheater? You’re the one whose name is written on his sick lists, not mine!’ Louis laughed harder, the pot calling the kettle black.

 ‘Louis, please. It doesn’t matter anymore.’

 

But it did. Maybe Tom was the reason Harry had been horrible to him all this time. Tom had lied. Louis remembered all the conversations they had, Tom never mentioning the fact that he had once known him. Tom being on a fuck-list. Harry punching people and going crazy. Harry not telling anything whatsoever about Tom. Harry being so private and yet flirty and helping with Louis. Harry always staring at Tom. Tom running away, never attending Harry’s parties or Louis’ when Harry was invited. It mattered.

‘Did you apply to fuck Harry?’ Tom lowered his head and Louis snorted in disbelief. He was on the verge of puking. He stood up and extinguished his cig in the ashtray laid on the coffee table. He walked towards the door and turned his head just before leaving.

‘Which number?’

‘Crimson. 8. But like I said, never happened.’

 

Louis didn’t answer and left immediately. Tears running down his cheeks, he decided to calm down at The Elephant House. He was mad, bitterly and overwhelmingly angry. Tom had lied. Harry had lied. He didn’t understand anything about the situation and hated that. He had so many questions that wouldn’t be answered. It was frustrating.  He waited for Liam and Zayn to come back but couldn’t talk to them because of course, they were drunk. He decided to wait until the next morning. He didn’t sleep a wink. He got out of bed, made coffee and waited for Zayn to wake up.

 

Louis told him everything he knew. Tom and Harry had been friends, Tom had fucked Sebastian so that meant Harry wasn’t exclusive back then either. Harry hadn’t created the list. Tom and Harry were a thing but had split and they were back together. Zayn remained silent for a bit trying to put the pieces together.

 

‘The white dinner. He kissed Harry. Sebastian kissed Harry. That’s when they decided to be together again didn’t they? Shit, the frame in the library: _Milk and Honey, 67_ there is a S behind the picture, Harry had kept it all this time.’ Louis’ mind was racing. ‘ Wait, something doesn’t add up. Why would Niall be mad against Sebastian? I mean, if they are back together it means they got their shit together? What did Sebastian do? Niall was clearly trying to protect him when they had a fight. Said something about picking up the pieces, called Harry a liar and talked about ‘never again’.’

‘Maybe he doesn’t want Harry to go crazy again that’s why he lied, cause he knew Niall wouldn’t be happy about it. ’ He concluded.

‘Why would Harry take him back though?’

‘Maybe he doesn’t know any better.’

⁎

Louis taught Niall at home. He wasn’t in the mood to face Harry, neither Tom. He was curious and was desperate to find answers but more importantly he was angry. It wasn’t the time to talk. He was fed up. The whole situation was unfathomable. It drove him crazy. He had gone to only one party, Harry had shown up, Sebastian by his side.

Harry had behaved his usual fakeself. smiley, posh, unconcerned. Louis had almost puked. Sebastian had broken Harry’s heart. Louis was sure of it, how could Harry fall back into his arms? Why would Harry bare a grudge against him while he wasn’t responsible for Tom’s actions?

 

It had been a week of silence. Louis had carefully avoided Harry, not going to their usual Wednesday dinner, teaching Niall at home and so on. He had ditched Tom’s calls and texts. One night, Louis was studying at The Elephant House when he saw Harry, the Prince sat in front of him.

'What do you want?' Louis mumbled, taking off his headphones. He waited but Harry remained silent.

'You better talk.'

'Louis.' Harry tried to soothe him.

‘No, you don’t get it. It’s the last time I expect answers. Then, I’m done. Why don’t you want us to be friends?’

‘I don’t think we can be friends.’

‘Because of me alone or because of Crimson.8’ Harry looked away.

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘Can you stop lying? Just once Harry, just once.’

‘It wasn’t mine, the list. Sebastian made it, I only agreed.’

‘If you agreed why did you punch Tom then?’

‘Out of despair.’

‘What do you mean?’ Harry looked away once more, he was trying his best to remain composed. Louis sighed, he was so tired of this play. Yet Harry looked fragile and torn, just like the night when he told Louis about his father, so maybe he would talk. 

‘Talk or you can leave now.’  Harry stood up and left without a glance. 

Louis stayed there wondering if Harry had come all the way just to take refuge in silence.

 

⁎

The following weekend, they all went to Rowena's birthday party, as usual, Louis was trying to find a spot to smoke in peace. Liam was feeling sick and Niall was hooking up somewhere so it was just Zayn, him and Harry.

'Please don't get mad. You want answers right? So don't push him away. Then you can forget about him.' Zayn said rolling the joint.

'I don't want to forget about him Zee.' Louis half admitted.

'I know babe.'

 

He found Harry sitting on a swing, alone. He was wearing a poppy red suit with a old-fashioned black bowtie.  Louis sat in front of him, on the wet grass. He had thought about what to say, over and over again. He had convinced himself not to get mad, not to be a hurricane. Looking at Harry he realised that he had missed him, it made the situation even worse. Just like that it felt like it would be better if he was the one to talk.

'I'm mad at you H. Not because you shared moments with Tom or because you won't talk. I'm mad because I don't know if your behavior is a way to revenge or if it's genuine. It's been days, I hate that. I thought we shared something, I thought I knew the real you, no mask whatsoever. Now you just zone out with Sebastian and you don't seem to give a shit anymore. I've been trying to convince myself but what's the point? I want you to give a shit.'

 

Harry looked at him and frowned.

'I care so please, please explain.' Harry's left hand rand down his right sleeve and touched the fabric, he looked like a child trying to defend himself after breaking something expensive.

‘I wanted us to be exclusive, they all thought I was fine with the situation, I wasn’t. Sebastian was just versatile, I hated that. I wanted him to be mine, only mine. Tom was a close friend, he knew I wanted the list to stop. He knew I was slowly fading away.

When Sebastian and Tom made me watch, I went crazy, I had enough. I punched Tom. Sebastian was furious, I tried to apologize but he was fed up. He broke up with me after that. He said I was too broken not to be a burden.’ He said taking his time but without any hesitation. Louis could tell harry was ashamed.

 

Tom knew. Worse, he had made Harry watch. Louis felt nauseous. ‘Too broken not to be a burden’ Louis had never been so angry.

‘So, Tom was aware of your pain and did nothing.’ Louis said taking out a cig, Harry stood up and opened his hand for one. 

‘He was in love with Sebastian. Who wasn’t anyway.’ He mumbled, the cig between his lips searching for a lighter. 

‘Is that why you went to Jamaica?’

‘Niall wanted to. He wanted to make me feel better. He hates Sebastian. I lied about us being back together because I was sure Niall would disagree. I would be dead without him.’ 

‘Why would you date him again?’ Louis’ mouth desperately shaped. He stood up, lit Harry's cig before his own. 

They smoked their cigarette in utter silence until Louis decided it was enough. 

‘Listen, I think nobody has the balls to tell you the truth but I'll say it outloud cause you deserve to have someone honest with you. You letting that guy be back into your life is fucked up. I thought you were smarter than that. He broke your heart. Screw him and screw your fucking list.’

‘It’s the only game I know how to play.’ Harry barely uttered before putting his cigarette butt on his pocket ashtray. 

_Maybe he doesn’t know any better._

Louis stepped back and put his hands into Harry’s pockets.

‘What you doing ?’ Harry put his hands on Louis’ hips. He found it. The notebook. The list.

‘You know what? You’re better than this.’ He put the notebook into his pocket.

‘What are you going to do ?’

‘Burn it.’ Harry stepped closer and tried to take it back but Louis grabbed his wrists. ‘You seriously need to get your shit together H. Niall’s right.’

'Please don't.'

'You don't need to take revenge. You don't need Sebastian and you don't need that shitty notebook.' Harry frowned and looked at him severely.

'How could you think it's a game?' Harry said way too close to Louis’ mouth.

'Cause as anyone else, I'm part of your play right?' Louis said simply. Harry looked at him, his mouth half open like a dumb man. Louis could tell his thoughts were racing. He  sat on the grass and brought his knee to his chin. He looked away. Louis sat by his side in utter silence.

 

‘No. you're not. How could you be a part of the play when you were the only one who never wanted to be in it? No.' Silence fell again. 'I’m a fraud.’ His lips shaped.

‘You don’t have to be with me.’

 ⁎

 

 Sailing the banks of his mind, Louis didn’t sleep a wink that night. Tom had betrayed Harry, for a fuck. He had made Harry watch knowing that he would be destroyed. How could someone possibly do that and worse, to a friend? Harry was thinking so low of himself for something he had had no control upon. He was hiding for he regarded himself as insufficient, flawed. It didn’t make any sense. The Harry Louis knew may had been flawed, but he was so much more than that. Harry was not responsible for any of this mess and now the poor guy was rock bottom.

He was tangled with darkness. How could he still be so blind to the point of turning into Sebastian’s shadow? Was he still in love? He had kept the picture of Sebastian after all. Louis was angry, enraged. Those people constantly at his feet, couldn’t they help the Prince? Harry was just an access to drugs, alcohol, sex and richness.

He was a replaceable toy. The Prince until another fucked up kid, more ‘generous’, would take the thrown. Louis laid wild-awake in his bed. Why did he care so much? He thought about Harry for a while before dwelling on himself. He thought about Tom, how they had met, how they had casually decided to be together for it was evident. He was happy with Tom, it wasn’t his best relationship, but it was globally thrilling. Was it worth fighting for though? The truth was, Louis had been waiting to feel more his whole life.

He had dated many guys, no one had completed the task. Louis would get bored and distant for he liked them but wasn’t in love. More than a wish, he _needed_ something stronger. He needed someone who would make the world stop with a word, a touch, a look. He needed to lose himself in someone, he needed his soul to be tied up with another. The one million dollars question came to his mind: was he in love with Tom?

 

He was about to sleep when his phone rang, he took the call without reading Harry’s name on the screen.

‘You can read it. My notebook. Some words are…Reach me Lou.’ Harry’s voice was raspy and soft at the same time, he couldn’t sleep either. Harry hung up leaving Louis dying for the moment he would wake up and read the notebook to access Harry’s mind.

 ⁎

Louis woke up the very morning feeling nauseous and empty at the same time. Liam and Zayn were already at uni, he was left alone with a note ‘Groceries Tomlinson, list on the fridge.’ It was written by Zayn and Liam had added a little heart and a ‘love you’.

It dawned upon him that he had been an awful best friends those days, holding a grudge against them and Niall even though the truth wasn’t theirs to tell. He would make himself up.

He went back to his room to grab Harry’s notebook, still in his back pocket and sat on the window sill. Without knowing really why he was afraid to read his words, maybe the real Harry was the prince with the crown not the prince with the infinite heart?

There were poems scattered here and there between quotes.

_I’m a lost ship_

_Afloat piece of soul_

_In a vast ocean_

_Of Desperation and hopelessness_

_A ghost put a wreath on the cracking rudder_

_And a crown on my head_

_Are you close enough to see it?_

_Are you close enough to smell_

_The savor of the unforeseen dire straits?_

_Are you to be the salvor_

_Of this wreck of mine?_

 

He read verses after verses until he reached a list, his name crossed out at the end of it.


	5. My apologies, 1998.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am afraid, to make those walls crumble but when I'm with you, I am full of life.

Louis knocked at the door. Tom was barely awake.

‘I just came to talk.’

‘Come.’ He sat on the couch. Tom stayed up, brushing his face with his hands.

‘Harry told me about the list and Sebastian. You knew about his pain, you still fucked his boyfriend.’ Tom didn’t answer, he was avoiding Louis’ eye.

‘Don’t you have anything to say?’ Louis added, bitter than before.

‘They weren’t exclusive Lou.’ Louis scoffed.

‘Harry wanted them to be. You knew.’

‘Of course, I knew but’

‘You still got fucked. Worse, you made Harry watch. Fucking disgusting.’

‘Louis please. It was ages ago. I was dumb, I didn’t care about anything but myself.’

‘Harry was your friend.’

‘I- Breaking his heart wasn’t my intention.’

‘Did you think about it before getting fucked? Did you think Harry would thank you? Did you think about Harry’s feelings? Did you genuinely think it was a good idea to make him watch?’

‘Why are you so upset?’

‘Harry deserved better. This is just sick.’

‘I don’t understand. Why do you care?’

‘See? You don’t give a fuck about people. If it’s okay for you to bang your friend’s boyfriend fine. But I’m out.’

‘It’s about Harry then.’ Tom scoffed, Louis shook his head. He was bitterly mad.

‘Do you think I’m pissed only because of Harry? I’m pissed because what you did is fucking disgusting. It’s not even about Harry in the end. It’s about you betraying your friend. It could have been anyone. It’s about you forcing someone to watch you getting fucked.’

‘I wouldn’t- We can’t work this out. It was ages ago. I’m not on the list anymore.’

‘ ‘Ages’ barely two years. Still fresh. Especially when you’re avoiding Harry. Or is it Sebastian that you are hiding from?’

‘I’ve changed.  I am sorry I won’t lie to you. I’ll tell you everything.’ Louis didn’t listen and stood up.

‘You were dramatic every time I would pronounce his name as if I was doing something wrong, while you are the one who banged his boyfriend. You’re just as fake as he is. You made me rethink my behavior. I felt so bad because I wanted Harry to be my friend, I ended up thinking I was just doing everything wrong, you made me think he didn’t need me. Why? Because you didn’t want me to be his friend. Because you were jealous and maybe you thought I was going to dump you for him or any other shit, but the truth is you’re the slut here. Harry never wanted to take revenge. I know him more than you ever did. He is not the bad guy here. Look at yourself.'

‘Louis…’

‘No. God knows I don’t give a shit about people but you? You’ve reached a whole new level. I may care too much but you, you don’t care enough. We could have been great. So, no, it’s not about him. You knew I would be mad about this and yet you lied.’

‘Think about us.’ Tom started crying. ‘We are doing great together. I love you.’  He grabbed Louis by the waist. Louis stepped back.

‘We’re done.’

 

⁎

He went to class feeling hollow and useless. He had almost cried in the middle of a reading, he had to get out. He came home, cried in the shower, water dripping on his naked body, feeling weak. Zayn and Liam would be home at 4. He had only three hours to get his shit together. He had cried so much he was groggy. He was mad at himself more than at anyone else. Truth was, he was tired of this whole mess. He wanted his previous life back. No Tom, no breakup, no prince. He was tired of being swallowed by unpronounceable emotions.

He rolled a joint and went to bed right after.

He woke up with the squeaking sound of the entrance door. He had always hated this door. He searched for his packet of cigarette, sat up and lit one.

 

‘Louis?’ Zayn attempted. ‘Are you okay? I called you. Wanted to know if Chinese was fine for tonight?’

‘Whatever.’ He stepped in and sat on the bed. Louis sat cross-legged.

‘You didn’t go grocery shopping.’ Louis just shrugged. ‘Can you tell me what’s going on? We searched for you last night.’

‘Was with Harry.’

‘Oh.’  A pause. ‘You finally talked? What happened?’ Louis exhaled deeply and shook his head no. ‘Lou. You know it doesn’t you any good to hold it back.’

‘I broke up with Tom.’

‘What? Why?’

‘Harry wanted things to be serious with Sebastian. Sebastian didn’t give a shit. He fucked Tom and made Harry watch.’

A pause.

 ‘I can’t believe he broke his friend’s heart just for a fuck. How could he lie to me?’

 ‘Are you okay?’

‘No.’ He petted louis’ knee. ‘ That's why Harry was all weird during the halloween party. He saw me with Tom and realised we were boyfriends. That's why he only came back when Tom was gone. He told me it was all real.

That it's not a game cause from the beginning I told him I wasn't going to play. Yet, he's still with Sebastian. He still won't open to me because I am _me_.  I mean isn’t what you want too? And he agreed on me reading his notebook. Guess what? There was my name on it.’ Zayn went silent.

‘What?’ Louis flicked his smoke in the ashtray on the bedside table.

 ‘I don’t know for Harry but what I know for sure is that you want more Lou. And, I’m worried about that. I don’t want you to get hurt and it’s all I can see here. It’s been three months. You tried and tried and tried again. Something you never did before. You weren’t pleased because you two didn’t talk. Then you talked, Harry was kind to you, wasn’t he? But you asked for more.’

‘Please Zayn just stop.’

‘That’s why you’re so obsessed with the list, and Sebastian. I think maybe you should drop it.’

 

Silence.

 

‘I just want him to get his shit together.’

‘Me too man, the only difference between you and I is that your smile is brighter when _he_ makes the joke. You’re more focused when _he_ tells the story. You listened more carefully when _he_ is behind the mic. Of course Harry deserves better but you want to be The Better.’ Zayn finished.

 

Louis felt instantly trapped. He thought about the time they had dance on Armstrong. Harry had been so gentle and smiley. He could be so subtle, tacit. He didn’t need words to be understood, at least not with Louis. And that time he had seen him in the library, or that time they had talked about his father. The starry night. the pool, the kiss on his forehead during Halloween, the voice to be listened to.

The time he went to The Elephant House and tried to say something. The ride, singing outloud. Every time he had played the piano while Louis was teaching Niall.

The suppressed smiles and  scrunched nose, the goofy jokes. Every time Harry had grabbed his hand or made him dance in the middle of nowhere. Every poem recited and every glance during their movie sessions.

People would hear what he had to say but never looked at the waves inside his eyes. Louis could see that, he could navigate on the sea-green ocean. He would hear words Harry had barely thought about. It hurt because they were connected in such a way a few people could be, and everything was ruined. It hurt because Harry rejected him for the same reasons he liked him.

 

 

‘I don’t want to talk about it.’

 

⁎

 

‘Niall.’

‘Hm?’ he was laying on the couch, watching a golf tournament.

‘I need to talk to you.’ He lifted Niall’s legs and sat, he placed Niall’s feet on his lap.

‘Go. I’m listening.’ He turned off the TV.

‘Well hm’ his voice was deeper and slower than usual. ‘I don’t know what I’m doing.’

‘Could you develop?’

‘I talked about Sebastian with Louis. He knows everything.’

‘Wait. He knows what Sebastian did and shit?’

‘I only told the story including Tom.’

‘Oh.’ He frowned.

‘What?’

‘That’s why you came back crying last time?’

‘I told him I was a fraud, he told me I didn’t have to be with him. After that, we sat quietly, he played with my curls. Do you think it’s true?’

‘Louis is the most honest person I know. He wouldn’t say that if it wasn’t true. You don't seem to realise but he always checks if you're okay and shit. You have to stop believing the voices in your head H. It’s not real.’

‘It hurts not talking. It hurts talking. He’s here waiting for answers and I’m just unable to leave my thoughts. Then I talk and I feel poor. I feel weak and I loathe that. Sebastian doesn’t need me to talk at least. We just, tilt. It feels good for a bit but then it makes me sick. I don’t want him to know me, Louis. Him knowing about me is upsetting.’

‘Why?’

‘Because, you’re the only one who cared before he came.’ He said playing with Niall socks absently. ' He makes me realise that I'm playing, that I've built a persona, it's all smoke and mirrors.'

‘ That's why you’re afraid.’

‘I’m not.’

‘It’s okay if you are. I understand. You don't want him to burst your bubble. Except that that's why you like him, isn't it? He makes things real.' Harry smiled slightly thinking about what had been said, Niall followed, 'But it’s silly, being afraid to have Louis by your side.  It’s like being afraid to open a gift.’

‘I’m still in love with Sebastian. Louis told me to move on, the simple thought of it made me shiver to the core. He can live without me, I’m not sure to be able to do the same.’

 

Silence.

Harry kept playing with Niall’s feet and Niall peered at him, trying to say something encouraging.

‘I know. But Hazza, a part of you will always be in love with him. It’s how first love works. He will always be a part of you. But you can’t sit on your hands and tell yourself you’re never going to be in love again. Or that it’ll never be as good as what you had. He is venomous. Seriously, I never liked him. He used you, made you feel like shit and broke your heart so many times I can’t count. He deserves to be beaten to a fucking pulp for what he did to you.’ Harry stared at him. ‘No violence. I know sorry. I was so mad at you for taking him back.’

‘I know. I'm sorry I disappointed you. I missed him and he seems to have changed.’

‘Maybe he has. I still think you deserve better, someone genuinely good and caring.’

‘I’m a ghost. An empty shell. I don’t have anything to offer. I’m a burden really. Who would bother?’

A pause.

‘Louis is mad at me. We haven’t talked in days.’ He pouted.

‘I know. You need to stop rejecting him. He doesn’t understand why. At least you could talk to him about how you feel about him.'

‘I feel like he likes me because he thinks he can save me, fix me. I’m only a quest, a challenge. What will happen when I’m okay? Will he still like me the way he does? He only cares about the parts of me I’ve been trying to burry.’ A tear dropped on Niall’s jeans. Harry was tired.

'Those parts that you're trying to hide are the one that deserve to be shown H. Louis sees things people can't even fathom people that have been here for years. He sees more than Sebastian ever did. He won't stop caring about you once you're okay. He will stay, I can tell. He dumped Tom.’ Harry sniffled.

‘Did he?’ he murmured.

‘Yes, for the same reason he’s been avoiding you. I think he's tired of this whole mess.'

‘I never wanted them to break up. Louis was happy.  They were great together.’

‘True but I don’t think Louis would date someone who would act the way he did.’

‘It’s about me then.’ He was hanging to Niall’s word, like a child to whom a grownup is telling a story.

‘Yes it’s about you and at the same time it’s not. You should talk to him.’ Harry scoffed.

A pause.

 ‘I’m starting to get tired of this play Niall.’ Harry paused ‘except. I don’t like  _me_.’

‘You could learn to.’ Niall smiled softly and Harry scoffed slightly.

‘I’m a ghost.’ he tried to smile back, in vain.

‘It doesn’t mean you’ll remain empty for the rest of your life. You’re not a burden, not to me, not to him and certainly not to yourself. You’re hurt but not doomed.’

Harry was crying effortlessly and silently. He wasn’t hiding or pretending anything, Niall was family. It felt good to let go.

‘I don’t understand the whole scope of depression H, but I do know that you are capable of healing and be happy. No one is asking you to be the happiest guy on earth. But I want you to live. I want you to appreciate being alive. I want you to have the boyfriend you deserve. I want you to have real friends. Not the one we party with, of course we love them but I mean true friends, like me and the boys.’ He smiled at Harry who rubbed his face. ‘ I don’t think Louis wants to be the hero here. He’s like that. Caring, loyal, he is a wallflower.’

A pause.

‘He hates  _me_.’

‘He hates the dickhead Harry, not you. You want the truth? When I see you with him, I see the Harry of Jamaica. You’re healing. You’re back with the Harry I knew a long time ago. The real you. You cease to pretend. You're not trying to be The Prince.’

 ‘I love this world, I belong here.’

‘I don’t think he is asking you to cease to be rich H. Or to dump the fancy clothes and cuisine. He just wants you to stop the persona. Being a brag, doing dangerous shit. Look at you, you’re smart and cultured, you never show off about that. Why would you have to brag about being a good fuck and a spoiled arse?’

Silence.

 ‘I can picture myself alive when I’m with him.’ Harry said, tears silently rolling down his cheeks.

‘That’s good news H. You should focus on that.’ Niall smiled.

 ‘He took my notebook. I told him to read it.’ Niall sat up and frowned. Harry had never lent his notebook. Never.

‘Are you fucking serious? What if he doesn’t like what he read?’

‘He will surely not like it.’ Harry stood up and kissed his head. ‘Thanks for being you Mr. Horan. I’ll see tonight.’

⁎

 

Except for the talk during Rowena’s birthday party – when they had talk about Sebastian and Tom-  Louis and Harry hadn’t talked for two weeks. In fact, Louis hadn’t talk to anybody. He was bored of it all and upset. Tom was not his soulmate but it didn’t mean he would suddenly stop caring about him. He missed him, plus it meant he was single again, he had fucked up once more.

He was tired. The other part was oddly relieved. He had come to the conclusion that their breakup was for the better. And Harry. He couldn’t think about him without feeling useless and insufficient. He wouldn’t try anymore.  He had thought about what Zayn had said  _‘Of course Harry deserves better but you want to be The Better.’_ Maybe that was why it hurt to the core. Maybe Louis was expecting him and Harry to have a play of their own.

 

‘Louis?’ Zayn entered cautiously into his room. ‘There’s someone on the phone for you.’ He sat on the bed and handed the phone. He had a strange smile on his face. Louis tried to understand what was going on but couldn’t. He put the phone to his ear.

 

‘ We only talked once in sixteen days.’ _Harry._ Louis thought about something to say but couldn’t. ‘Are you coming tonight?’

‘I can’t. Work to do. ’ Zayn frowned and hit him on his shoulder slightly.

‘Drop it, I’ll have someone do it for you.’ He had missed his voice.  ‘I want you to come.’ Harry stated. Louis hesitated and handed the phone back.

‘It’s Zayn.’ He stood up ‘I’ll try my best.’ He said looking at Louis who gave him a finger ‘You know how stubborn the guy is.’ He added coming out of Louis’ room.

 

Louis thought about the proposition, he couldn’t stay amorphous. They arrived at the estate and Louis immediately apologized to Niall for having missed their French lessons. Niall said nothing and hugged him so tight he picked up some pieces. Everyone was looking at Louis, pity on their faces. ‘Don’t bother. I’m glad you’re here, I missed you.’

‘Miss you too.’ Louis replaced his fringe.

‘No theme tonight. It’s a shame you missed the Cucumber party last Thursday, we had a craic.’ He barked.

‘Trust me you don’t want to know.’ Liam whispered.

Louis had time to drink a beer before Harry made his entrance. He was wearing his usual crown and a lilac-pink suit that made the green of his eyes brighter.

 

‘Gents.’ He looked at Louis ‘ Follow me.’

 

They reached his room. There was a giant bed with purple and black silk sheets. A painting just above the bed head, the representation of some European war – if Louis were right. The curtains were drawn, it smelt like pepper mint and Harry. There was a pile of books near the bed and some partitions on the black velvet armchair. Louis gasped, Harry’s room was plainly furnished yet impressive. It looked like a room straight out of  _The Picture Of Dorian Gray._

 

‘Here.’ Harry handed a book. He stood with his hands behind his back and pouted. Louis peered at the cover,  _The Ballad Of Reading Gaol_ , Oscar Wilde, first edition.

 ‘I thought you might like it. Found it at the antiques fair.’ Louis loved this market, he hadn’t had the courage to leave his bed and walk around but the fair definitely was one of his favorite events of November.

‘You do the antiques?’ 

‘Of course. Every year.’

Louis thought about Harry wandering around the shabby stalls, running his long fingers on the fabrics and jewels, scrutinizing every book, every object carefully for hours. He smiled. Maybe they had already met? No. Louis would have remembered.

‘Well thank you.’

‘We can try to find other treasures tomorrow if you want. I know that you’ve got work to do and class but-’ They looked at each other, Harry was waiting, eyes wild-open.

‘Yeah, why not?’ Louis replied straight back.

‘Delighted.’ Harry offered. He was outrageously charming. ‘You don’t have any bag I reckon? Well you can let it here. Did you stop teaching Niall?’

‘Well, no. I needed time alone I guess but we have a lesson tomorrow night.’

‘Niall told me about you and Tom.’

 

Silence. Louis looked at the book in his hands, inspiration didn’t come.

‘Are you okay?’  Harry followed. Louis frowned. He hadn’t expected that.

‘I loved your poems.’ Louis said handing back Harry’s notebook. ‘It’s not mine to throw it away.’ Harry scrutinized him, Louis didn’t seem upset or bitter. Had he really read Harry’s words? Louis was smart, of course he knew what it had meant, being able to read Harry’s words. Yet, Harry wasn’t going to give up and reach Louis, was he? Harry would remain unapproachable.  ‘Let’s have a drink, shall we?’ He smiled at Harry who didn’t answer in utter confusion. Harry had just been Harried and Louis was delighted.

⁎

It was only a week later than the subject resurfaced. The group of five were playing one of those silly drinking games. Niall was playing the guitar and singing songs between his turns. Louis was way too drunk and Harry way too charming. His notebook laid on the coffee table between a bottle of champagne and a piece of lemon meringue pie. A part of Louis was still upset about the notebook, another part of him was just hoping Harry would get rid of it soon.

‘I’m telling you it was in 1998.’ Niall shouted at Harry who smirked and shook his head no. ‘Geez, go upstairs and check. Royal Birkdale Golf Club. 27th championship. 1998.’ He repeated. Harry was messing with him but Niall didn’t seem to realise.

‘Would you accompany me Louis?’ Harry said while standing up and offering his hand. Louis grabbed it without a fuss. Both were accustomed to hold hands but it didn’t mean anything.

 

‘You know he’s right.’ Louis said poking Harry’s shoulder while climbing the stairs, Harry turned around and shrugged a big smirk on his face. He had only drunk alcohol and more precisely, white wine only, it could only mean he was in a good teasing mood.

They reach the library and Louis attempted to find the book where the date was supposed to be indicated. Harry fell silent, watching him from top to bottom, landing his eyes on his butt.

‘Found it.’ Louis said, leaning against the shelves. He opened the book but Harry tossed it aside and it fell on the ground.

‘It was in 1998. Niall’s right.’ He said putting his hands on the shelves. Louis was encircled by his arms now. ‘I only came here so we could be alone.’ Harry said stepping dangerously closer. If it were, it was the best Louis had never have. He tried not to stare at Harry’s parted lips and the way his sharp jaw looked hot in the gleaming moonlight. He didn’t think about the way he could kiss his jaw line or the very spot just above his collarbone, he didn’t.

 

‘You’re drunk.’ Louis said trying to convince himself that Harry’s desire didn’t matter that much. ‘And you’re not going to kiss me Harold.’ Harry bit his lower lip and scrunched his nose.

‘Don’t you want me to kiss you?’

‘So you can put a tick beside my name on your list?’ Louis said putting his hands on Harry’s chest and pushing slightly. He couldn’t breathe, trying his best not to think about Harry naked body was too tiring.

‘Always the tone of accusation.’ Harry said pushing back. His large hands were strong against the woods, he wouldn’t bend. ‘You didn’t seem upset I thought seeing your name on my diary had made you happy. I thought maybe you would finally give up.’ Harry said kissing Louis’ cheek. Louis suppressed a sigh and put his hands around Harry’s neck.

‘It didn’t. I was upset but then I read the following pages and the poems where you talk about me and _that_ made me happy. I realised you put my name on it out of habits but you wrote it again out of attachment.’ There, he said it and it felt good. Harry pouted and stepped back. Was he ashamed or upset Louis had discovered the truth? Did he regret giving his notebook to Louis?

‘And you still refuse to let me kiss you.’ Harry said putting Louis hands away from his neck. So he genuinely was upset. ‘You reached me but you won’t let me reach you in return. Is it a game of some sort?’

‘You have a boyfriend.’ Louis’ throat shrunk. He stepped aside and grabbed the book to put it back on the shelf. Before he could turned back he felt Harry’s lips just under his left ear, very slowly Harry breathed Louis’ skin before kissing his neck. Louis had to close his eyes and focused hard not to sigh or moan, he swallowed with difficulty and waited for Harry to step back but it seemed to last eternally.

‘I am not used to rejection Mister Tomlinson. Those shivers of yours tell me you’re dying to feel my lips again.’ He breathed against Louis’ skin. The desire to turn back and taste Harry was smothering and Louis’ hands were dying to run along Harry’s back.  ‘It truly is a tragedy.’ He concluded before depositing another kiss on Louis’ neck and leaving the library.

 

Louis followed him trying to come to his senses.

‘My apologies.’ Harry said hugging Niall from behind, he looked at Louis with the slightest smirk, ‘It was 1998.’

⁎

 

‘So you wanted him to kiss you, he wanted to kiss you but you said no? Why would you say no? Doesn’t make sense.’ Ginna, Louis’ colleague at the elephant house said while drying some mugs. Louis was slicing the cheese cake, the pinkish shade looked exactly like Harry’s lips. ‘I mean, you said it yourself, he put your name because he thought you’d only be a fuck but then he started to like you. He likes you.’

Louis sighs and tried his best to smile at Ms. Sissy, a regular. Before he could answer anything she started again. ‘Of course he has a boyfriend but have you thought about the fact that maybe he wanted to kiss you not because he can but because he wants to? Maybe the other guy, that Sebastian, ain’t enough. I bet you he’s gonna dump him sooner or later. What does he have that you don’t anyway?’

 

Louis looked at Ginna, her long curls tied in a high pony tail were softening her traits, Louis couldn’t blame her for trying.

‘That’s a fucking good question.’ Louis said putting the pieces of cake into the display stand.

⁎

The following weeks were pretty hectic. Louis was working twice as hard to hand his essays before the due dates, The Elephant House was more crowded with Winter slowly but surely creeping in. Niall and Louis would see each other even more often because Niall needed to complete his French homework as well. The boys would see each other but party less. They would see each other at Harry’s for lunch or their usual brunches. Harry was visually more sober and less akin to drink himself under the table. He didn’t try to hide his attachment for Louis anymore. Sometimes one of the boys would catch him staring intensely at Louis as if he was one of the seventh wanders of the world. Sometimes it was just a smirk or a wink. Sometimes a kiss on the cheek or hands intertwined. One thing remained though: Harry was still with Sebastian, the guy had even eaten with them twice. He was –least to say- soporific and smothering. Not only was he self-sufficient and a brag but Louis could admit easily that the guy was dull. Truth be told, he was cultivated and smart but he lacked essence.

There was that time where Louis had caught him forcing Harry to take a pill before their brunch. And another when Harry had a mark on his wrist. In fact, Harry’s mood was mainly depending on Sebastian’s behavior. Harry could be beaming in the morning and nothing but a shell the very evening. Louis was dying to punch Sebastian in the face or at least tell Harry to get his shit together.

 

⁎

It was a rather calm evening, Louis was working on one of his essay, his drafts spread on the kitchen counter. As usual, Harry had cooked a cake and brought lemonade before leaving the house to see Sebastian. Niall was nowhere to be found even though he was supposed to work on his French songs and would probably need Louis’ help.

Someone slammed the door and made Louis start. It was Niall, his cheeks completely reddened by anger.

‘I’m gonna kill him.’ He repeated before opening the fridge and found a beer. He drank half of the bottle and stared at Louis as if to get an answer.

‘Please calm down.’ Harry said joining them shortly after. ‘ I’ll explain to Mr. Jacobs. I’m sure he’ll understand.’

‘I don’t give a shit about your missed exam Harry. He had no right to do that! This is abuse and you need to seriously rethink your relationship.’ Niall followed before emptying the beer bottle.

‘What the fuck is going on guys?’ Louis said folding his drafts. He turned to Harry who replaced his crown without an ounce of emotion in his eyes. ‘You better tell me Haz.’ Harry put his index and thumb to his lips but remained silent, Niall scoffed in disbelief.

‘Sebastian didn’t want Harry to leave his apartment so he put some shit in his drink and Harry fell a sleep. He wasn’t here this morning to pass the exam.’ Niall said taking a piece of the chocolate cake. ‘You better get your shit together or I swear I’m gonna tell your father H. About the exam and Sebastian.’ he said his mouth full.

Niall’s words seemed to hit home because Harry went pale. Louis opened his mouth to say something but Harry cut him, ‘Please keep your opinion for yourself.  One fuss at a time.’

⁎

 

‘Of course.’ Harry passed over Louis, turned left to find the stairs but stopped. Louis who was peering at his phone didn’t see Harry and hit his back.

‘What the?’ 

 

Sebastian.

 

‘I told you not to come.’ Harry offered poorly. His body was now tensed. Louis could feel it.

‘We need to talk.’ Sebastian pointed at. Harry looked at Louis, a split-second was enough for Louis to understand.

‘You should leave.’ Louis stepped aside. Sebastian looked at him with utter disgust and as if he hadn’t seen him before. A wave of anger hit Louis. He hated Sebastian for what he had done, for who he was.

‘I only came to speak to Harry, not you.’ Sebastian offered with a smile. The air was stifling poisonous.

‘You should leave.’ Louis added. Sebastian laughed.

‘I don’t think so.’ He looked at Harry and ate him alive. Louis was disgusted. He was so full of himself, and this passive-aggressive behavior. Louis felt the urge to punch him. 

‘Leave us.’ Harry whispered. Louis frowned but Harry was certain.

‘I’ll be waiting right here.’ Louis smiled to Sebastian.

 

Harry closed the door of his bedroom. Silence. Louis waited. His blood was boiling. Approximately 5 minutes passed before Harry shouted and Louis burst into the room. Sebastian was over him on the bed, Harry’s shirt was opened, Sebastian looked at him aghast. Louis grabbed him by his shirt and dragged him outside the room. Harry didn’t move.

‘Be right back.’ Louis told him on the rush. He closed the door and looked at Sebastian who was smiling.  _Fucker._

‘Stop playing that little game of yours. See. I don’t think you realise. Harry was mine long before you came. You’re not a hero, this is not an epic quest, Harry is not the prince to save.’

 

Louis laughed. He wanted to punch him in the face so bad but it would be too easy, wouldn’t it? His whole body was clenched. He grabbed him by the collar of his suit and looked at him with rage.

 

‘Now, you listen to me. What you had is over. You’re never going to come near him again. Abuser like you should be between bars.’

‘He didn’t say no.’ Louis held him tighter.

‘This is sexual assault, you piece of shit.’

‘Get you hands off of me.’ Sebastian pushed him. ‘ Go back to where you belong, in the filthy house of yours. Always in the shadow like a good dog.’

‘I don’t plan to leave.’ Louis replied right back. Sebastian replaced his shirt and laughed. ‘You don’t deserve him. He deserves  _better_. You broke his heart. He’s full of insecurities and demons because of you. Your life is shitty and you’re probably too dumb and lost to heal. Fine. Your problem. Not his.’ He said still very close.

‘I’ve changed.’ Sebastian said, his voice was trembling.

‘Harry may believe that. I don’t. I see what you are. An abusive piece of shit so insecure and fucked up that your only thrill is to shatter everything you touch.’ Louis punched the wall near Sebastian.

‘Fuck you.’

‘So now, you’ve got two choices. One, you get the fuck out and never come back. Two, you apologize. If you truly care about him, it’s the least you can do. You go back and tell him it’s not his fault but yours. You go and tell him that he deserved and deserves better. You go and apologize for the assault. You fucking go and tell him you’ll never come back, cause you  _won’t_.’

‘Louis.’ Sebastian tried to put his hand on his shoulder, but Louis rejected it.

‘ Go and apologize. Never come back.’ Sebastian smiled in disdain.  He looked at Louis with a strange expression, amusement mixed with renouncement maybe.

 

Eventually Sebastian left for good, Louis came into the bedroom again only to see Harry sitting on the bed, hiding his face with his hands. He looked so small.

 

'Please don't make me talk.' Harry said, tears rolling down his cheeks. The crown had fell on the ground.

'Do you need me to stay?' Louis whispered tenderly, Harry held his head up and nodded.

'I don't feel like partying.' Louis immediately grabbed his phone and texted Niall : _Party's over, S left. Staying with H. He's ok._

'Can we lay down a bit? I feel like I might break.' Harry said before reaching the pillow. Louis joined him and put his arm around Harry. 

'You won't break. I'm here.' Louis replied softly. 

'Don't say things like that cause I might do something crazy and believe it.' Harry saidwith a rather dull tone, he placed his hand on Louis' chest, the warmth couldn’t compete with the emptiness.

'I'm not going anywhere Hazza. How about I recite some verses? Would you like that?' He felt Harry's smile and didn't stop until the singer fell asleep. 

 

It took several days for Harry to resurface. Louis was working at The Elephant House when his phone vibrated. He looked at the screen and frowned,

Harry

_We need to talk, I reckon you’re working right now. I’ll come by 5 and have a jasmine tea._

 


	6. Atomic Tangerine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a very fine line between pleasure and pain. They are two sides of the same coin, one not existing without the other.

For a second Louis felt nauseous. Things were intricate. They hadn’t really talked about Sebastian's sudden departure. Harry had fallen asleep, woken up the next morning, they had gone to the antiques and bought four books each. Yet, Harry was just silent now. Of course, he was still his precious self, perfectly dressed and perfumed. Yet, he was empty and Louis was starting to feel that he wouldn't be enough. Three days had passed, no news from him and now he wanted to talk. 

 

'Thanks for giving me some time. I needed to be alone right.'

'I figured.' Louis said pouring some tea into Harry's cup. 'I don't want to force you to do anything. As long as you don't hurt yourself I'm fine.' 

'Did you miss me?' Harry said touching the fabric of the tea towel smiling slightly. He seemed out of reach, on the without again.

'I did.' Louis said trying to catch his eyes. It genuinely was painful to see Harry being lonely even with Louis by his side.

'I wasn't sure you would. Let me apologize, I got lost in this tragedy of mine and only saw the decay of my realm. I should have thought about-’

‘Me.’ Louis said without any particular accusation. He had been hurt too and Harry had to apologize. Now that it was done he already felt better.  'Why did you come here though? I know you’d miss me.' Harry scrunched his nose and threw the towel at Louis who laughed. 

'Would you do me the honour to do some gardening with me? ' Louis looked at him and tried his best not to smile too fondly.

'I'd love that.' 

⁎

Louis was reading his book, sitting on the couch, a smoke between his lips. He had come home at 7 am, had slept until 2 in the afternoon. He was hangover and bored.  Liam was watching a ballet competition, utterly mesmerized. He hadn’t gone to class for he had the flu.

‘Good evening.’ Zayn came into the living room, gave a kiss to Liam from behind and messed up with Louis’ hair.

‘Did you too have lunch?’ Zayn said washing his hands and putting his apron.

‘Nah. We drunk a lot of water though.’ Liam said shrugging at Louis.

‘Fluids Zee. Fluids.’ Louis exhaled deeply.

 

One hour passed, Liam had put the second season of  _So You Think You Can Ballet_. Louis was half sleeping half reading. His phone vibrated. Liam grabbed it before he could.

 

‘H needs you.’ he read on the screen. Louis took the phone and locked it before standing up. Zayn sighed.

‘What?’ Louis replied straight back, annoyed.

‘Are we going to avoid the H subject for the rest of our lives?’ Zayn said while peeling a banana. ‘Yes, we are Zee.  Focus on your banana cake.’ Louis replied immediately.

‘Sebastian is a fucker. Harry deserves better and now he can work on being okay thanks to you, cause you’re amazing.'   Liam spoke focused on Selena who was arguing with Ginny because she had stolen her dancing slippers. ‘Come on! Give the slippers back you piece of shit.’ He shouted. Maybe he didn’t realise what he had done but Louis felt instantly better.

'I don't want you to get high hopes if you two you know... If  it doesn't work. And I don't want you to feel like Harry's yours to save. He has to work on himself alone.’ Zayn added.

‘I never believed myself to be enough to heal him anyway.’ Louis turned around. ‘I just want to help him while he heals himself. It doesn’t matter anyway, he won’t let me love him.’ Louis said swallowing with difficulty. He grabbed a pillow and hugged it tight trying his best to convince himself it was okay.

 

‘Don’t break your own heart out of expectations. Liam?’ Zayn called for help.

‘Well, I think what I said but I also think Z is right. I think, you need to understand that sometimes it’s okay for Harry to feel what he feels. To not talk. To be alone. You need to trust him enough to let him be on his own. I know that you're always waiting for a text or a call so you can see him and when you don't you're sad or disappointed. I don't want that. And I don't want you to get tired, to spend all your energy on him. Don't forget about yourself.’

‘Harry’s an alien and we simply don’t want us to get lost while trying to land on his planet. I just don’t want him to make you feel you’re hard to love.’ Zayn said while measuring the sugar. ‘You're exhausted and hangover. Tell him the truth and he will understand. Niall will take care of him. You've been here for him all week. Just take time for yourself. '

 

⁎

 

Hazza

_Joining you at the elephant house._

Louis made a cup of coffee and sat on one of the table. He looked through the window, people were going home, bustling around. The dawn was slowly but surely falling on the city streets. He stood up and decided to make a coffee for Harry: black, no milk. He put the cup on the table and sat back. Maybe Harry was tired of Louis' help.

He waited for twenty minutes when Harry’s figure pierced the dullness of the café. Harry was wearing a grey beanie, a long black coat and blue jeans. Louis’ heart skipped a beat. His cheeks were reddened by the cold as well as his lips. He looked at Louis and opened his coat, the fabric of his white t-shirt was so thin Louis could see his tattoo. He was gorgeous.

 

‘Hi. May I?’ 

‘How do you feel? I'm sorry for yesterday? I was knackered.’ Louis muttered. He was nervous as hell. Harry sit, a strange silence fell, Louis coughed and waited. Harry looked through the window for a bit.

‘I took care of myself. I’m still very confused.’ Harry whispered. 'But the more I think about you the brighter it gets.' Harry finally looked at him. Damn he had missed those sea-green eyes. ‘Thank you for what you did. I’m sorry you had to see me in such position. I made a fool of myself.’ He said referring to the night Sebastian had left. This time he smiled and looked away. Louis peered at the tiny dimple, almost inexistent. ‘I also want to apologize for everything that I did, throwing you out, treating you like mud, despising you and so much more. I’ve been treating you as if you weren’t enough for months and hope you can forgive me for that. I usually don’t even consider the people I dislike. I guess I liked to come at you for I knew you’d fight back. One day, during a party, I told a guy I was banging his girlfriend, that she moaned louder with me. The guy apologized.’

‘I would have told you to go fuck yourself.’

‘I know.’ Harry scrunched his nose.  A pause. ‘Except from Niall, you’re the only one that won’t hesitate to be honest.’ He looked at Louis again. 'You're the only one not afraid to tell me to get my shit together. To show me things.' 

‘That’s because you can be a complete shithead.’ Louis said straight in his eye. Harry drank his coffee.

‘This play of mine lacks substance without you in it.’

Silence fell again. Louis’ cup was empty. He was afraid to move in case Harry would run away. It felt so good to hear those words.

‘What about drawing the curtains, leaving the stage and joining me in the real life?’ Harry locked his eye on him, Louis’ heart stopped.

‘I can give it a try but hand me your heart and I might break it. The exquisite has to remain untouched from those who cannot grasp its essence.’ Louis barely heard, Harry was shaking. Trying to utter those words was as painful as hearing them. Louis was stroke with words. Harry took out a note from his pocket and put it on the table.

‘I have to go. Have a wonderful day Louis.’

⁎

‘It was almost Thanksgiving. The boys had some exams left. The last weeks of uni were  always the worst. Louis was tensed, exhausted, he couldn’t wait to finish the semester.

Harry didn’t try to be anyone else anymore. He was still _without_ most of the time, but something had changed. He was genuinely trying this time.  It was so hard for him to let it all go, to understand that he was loved and enough as he was. Louis was determined to show him that he owned the world. Harry hadn’t stopped teasing Louis, he would still hold Louis’ hand  and steal kisses on his cheek. He hadn’t stopped staring at him like a freak or petting his hair every time he could.

‘If you want to run away this is your chance.’ Louis offered.

‘I would never. It would be rude.’ Harry ran his hand through his hair.

The living-room was furnished with Christmas decorations, a wonderful blue and white Christmas tree and candles. Everything was ready for Christmas even though it only was thanksgiving. They waited sheepishly until Rosie climbed down the stairs. Harry straightened up immediately and displaying his most charming smile. He kissed her hand.

‘Mrs. Tomlinson, very pleased to meet you.’ He handed her a bag. ‘ _Les Amoureuses, Musigny Premier Cru, France_ ’ he said in a perfect French.

 

She looked at him and blushed.

‘Mr. Styles I reckon? Thank you for that. Nice suit by the way, I like the pattern.’

‘Thank you.’  She looked at Louis and against all odds, smiled.

‘Where’s Georgie?’

‘His room, your father won’t be long. Dinner’s almost ready.’

 

They came into the room to see that George was drawing.

‘Louuuuieh!’ he jumped on him. Louis hugged him and looked at Harry.

‘This is Harry, can you say hi?’ George hid in Louis neck. Harry shrugged.

‘Hi George. I’m joining you for dinner tonight.’ He offered. George looked at him stared at Louis.

‘Is it okay?’ Louis asked gently.

‘Well I guess.’ George replied a bit surprised. ‘I like them.’ He pointed at the flowers on his suit.

 

Everything seemed unfamiliar and superficial until Louis’ Dad came home.

‘Nice to meet you Sir.’ Harry shook his hand.

‘You can call me Dean.’

‘Louis told me you loved fishing?’ Dean started, he smiled at Louis.

‘I do yeah.’

‘Well, if you’d follow me. I have something for you in my trunk.’ Louis stared at Harry, he didn’t say anything.

Harry had bought him a fishing package, as well as toys for George and a neckless for Rosie. They put the gifts under the trees, Rosie wore the neckless and Dean and Harry chitchatted around a beer for a bit. They started to eat, everyone was cheerful, no reproach from Rosie, Louis’ dad being interested in Louis, Rosie all smiley and tender.

It was just so weird. Rosie had put George who had fell asleep in his bed, it was just the four of them now. Louis had to say something, it would probably ruin the night but he knew that things would have been different without Harry. They had been asking him about his life, his work at The Elephant House, his projects. It was too much. Why so kind suddenly?

 

‘So, Louis, tell us, what courses did you chose for the next semester?’ Rosie offered before bringing the fork to her mouth. She looked at Harry and smiled brightly.

 ‘Since when do you care?’ Harry looked suddenly very busy cutting his chocolate cake.

‘Well, we do.’ She pointed at. She looked at Dean who nodded.

‘No you don’t. You only do because Harry’s here.’

‘That’s not true son.’ Dean replied.

‘You didn’t care when Tom was here.’ There, he said it. A heavy silence fell on their shoulders.

 

‘How’s your friend by the way?’ she asked again, all smiley.

‘Ex  _boyfriend_. I’m gay.’ Louis felt Harry’s hand on his knee.

‘I told you not to say those words in my house.’ She scoffed. Dean looked away.

‘Dad?’ Louis begged. ‘I know you’re not like that. Don’t make me leave.’

‘Like what if I may ask?’ she raised her tone.

‘Homophobic.’ Louis spat. He could feel his blood boiling.

‘Dean!’

‘Dad. Please. I swear if this continues you won’t see me again. I’m not joking. I’m done. She’s been disrespecting me ever since day one.’ Louis was shaking. His dad was just Rosie’s shadow. He hated that.

‘Dean tell your son I-’

‘Come off it Rosie.’ Dean muttered. He finally looked at Louis. ‘Louis’ my son. I love him just the way he is. ’ he stood up and looked at Louis. ‘I’m sorry Lou. I should have said something sooner. This dinner made me realise how much you’ve grown, how much I’ve missed. It’s thanksgiving Rosie, treat Louis with kindness.’ before Louis could answer Rosie intervened.

‘I can’t believe this is happening.’ Rosie scoffed. Louis felt the urge to shout and felt Harry’s hand on his back.

‘May I talk to you in private Mrs. Tomlinson?’ Harry offered calmly.

‘Of course dear.’

 

Louis waited next to Harry’s car. His father offered him a beer. They chitchatted a bit.

'We should go to the theatre one day. Remember when we used to pick a movie eye closed every Saturday ? We had so much fun.’ Louis smiled. He was relieved to see that his dad had finally decided to stand up against his wife.

 

‘I am sorry for such a fuss Harry.’ Her cheeks were crimson red.

‘Mrs. Tomlinson, with all my respect, as long as you hold this speech, things between you and Louis and Louis and his father will never be settled. Louis will never change. You cannot ask him to.’

‘I understand that, I simply don’t want him to display his sexuality in my house. I don’t want my son to think it’s okay to have this lifestyle.’

‘Having brunch on Sundays or going to San Diego during holidays is a lifestyle. Being gay is a sexuality, it is not a trend, not a choice. Louis is not trying to make people gay, he simply wants you to accept it.’ Rosie sighed.

‘I don’t think it’s right.’

‘Louis didn’t ask for any of this so it wouldn’t be fair to hold him responsible don’t you think? Louis is a brilliant young man. He is entertaining, passionate, smart. He deserves to have a dad. Let him have a dad.’

‘I never meant to-’ She was on the verge of tears, ‘Are you close to your parents Harry?’ she sobbed.

‘I wish I were. My dad died when I was 14.’ He smiled slightly, carefully avoiding talking about the fact that his parents were two men.

 

Before leaving, Rosie handed him a bag with a gift that happened to be a watch and a short note which said ‘I am sorry. I need time but I’ll change. I promise. Happy holidays ! That Harry of yours, he’s a keeper. Rosie x’

Harry and Louis drove back home.

‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have intervened.’

‘No, I am sorry. This was embarrassing. I told you it'd be weird.’ Harry smiled at him, dimples out and stars in his eyes. Louis forgot the very notion of being alive. Harry was mesmerizing.

‘It was fun. Rosie is a sweet woman. I really think you should listen to what she has to say next time. You could be surprised.’

‘What did you say to her?’

‘Nothing but the truth.’ Harry assured. He was staring at the road, the lines of his nose and jaw was breaking the softness of the flower pattern.

‘You’re not gonna tell me, are you?’ harry scrunched his nose and Louis sighed. ‘Anyways, thank you for whatever the fuck you said.’ Louis pretended to be annoyed. ‘And thank you for the gifts, you needn’t.’ he didn’t answer. He was so focused and calm Louis wanted to shake him just for the sake of it.

 

 ‘What did she write on the note?’ Louis took the bag again and read the note outloud.

'I am sorry. I need time but I’ll change. I promise.’ He stopped and looked at Harry. Would it be awkward to read the rest of it? They had set things down. Harry was not going to be Louis’ boyfriend. ‘ ‘Happy holidays.’ now focus on the road.’

 

⁎

 The same evening Liam and Niall were sitting on the couch, drinking beers. Zayn was cooking lasagna.

‘So…guys I thought about something. If it’s okay for you, I would like us to go to Norway for Christmas.’

‘What??’ Zayn gasped.

‘Are you serious?’

‘Fuckin course I am! ’ Liam jumped on Niall and hugged him.

‘Thank you mate.’ Liam looked for Zayn’s approval.

‘Really appreciated Ni.’

‘Thank Harry when he comes home, he organised everything.’ Niall grinned at him and winked.

⁎

‘Are you not going to smoke with me?’ Louis said watching Harry from under. Louis was laying on his bed, Harry sitting on the windowsill. He was wearing a golden pullover with embroidered black snowflakes on the sleeves. ‘Stop being gloomy, I’m stoned and bored. Entertain me Styles.’ Louis said throwing a pillow at him. Harry laughed and joined him on the bed.

He sat in front of Louis and tickled his feet, Louis muttered before sitting up, their knees touching. Harry took the blunt and smoked without saying anything. Louis ran his hands on Harry’s thighs which made Harry smirk.

‘What?’ Louis teased digging his nails a bit more.

‘You make it hard Tomlinson.’ Harry said before taking a long drag, ‘Allow me to finish it and roll another.’

‘It’s all yours.’ Louis said peering intensely at Harry who bit his lip. ‘Please don’t do that. Biting your lip.’ Harry placed his thumb on Louis’ lower lip.

‘Stop being such a tease then.’

‘I wouldn’t tease if I knew you weren’t struggling so bad.’ Louis said taking the blunt and extinguished it. He sat back, on Harry’s lap this time.

‘Don’t.’ Harry said turning his head making sure to keep his distance from Louis. He ran his fingers through Louis’ hair anyway, securing his position with his large hand.

‘Come on, give up and let me kiss you.’ Louis said impatiently. He grabbed Harry’s chin and softly made him look at him. Harry bit his lip peering at Louis’ mouth.

‘You’re doing it again.’ Louis said before getting closer, their lips were brushing. Louis placed his hands around Harry’s face and kissed his jaw line and neck to go back to the corner of his mouth.  Suddenly, Harry pushed him to make him lay on the bed again. He blocked Louis’ hands with one hand and pressed his right hand on Louis waist.

‘Thanks for the chat Lou.’ Harry said against Louis’ mouth, ‘Stop trying.’ He said before leaving.

⁎

Hazza

_I threw it away. The notebook. The shelf is empty, all gone._

⁎

 

 

‘No means fucking no Li. Now leave me the fuck alone. I’m tired of this shit.’ Louis left the living room and shut the door of the bathroom behind him. They had been arguing for the past twenty minutes about whether Louis should come to the gig or not. He took off his clothes and opened the tap. Hot water was all he needed at the moment.

Liam burst into the bathroom and locked the door behind him.

‘For fuck sake Liam.’ Louis shouted, hopefully the red part of the shower curtain was covering the bottom half of his body. The upper half was transparent. ‘Get the fuck out I swear, I love you I truly do but get out or I’ll kill you.’ He resumed his shower.

‘I need you to listen.’

‘I’ve been listening. The guy doesn’t give a shit. I’m tired, I’m not his bitch. D-O-N-E.’

‘Do you trust me?’ Louis started, what was that question? He shut the tap.

‘What the fuck?’

 ‘Answer me. I'm serious.’

‘Well yeah I guess. What do you mean.’

‘So please, trust me here, go to that gig.’

‘What do you know that I don’t?’

 

Louis was annoyed and tired of playing hide and seek. But Liam had never behaved that way… Why would he keep telling Louis to go if it weren't worth it? Why would he hurt Louis on purpose? It didn't make any sense.

 ‘I only want your happiness. I wouldn’t ask you to go if I didn’t know it was worth it. I know that you're tired of it all. I know you're hurt, I'm sorry Lou. You're my bestfriend, trust me. Come with us.’

 

 

Harry was wearing an atomic tangerine suit, white shirt and shoes. He looked nervous. He put his lips against the mic and the whole room fell silent.

‘Ladies and gents, time to sing. But before that, I’d like to inform you that I decided to stop the list, I guess I'm bored of it.' the crowd starting whispering. 'Those who came with the desire to hear their name on the December list can go home. I also wish to inform that we'll be rethinking our gigs. Just to make sure we're surrounded by  _friends_.' 

Murmurs ran through the room again. People were confused and genuinely upset about the news. He looked at Niall who nodded.

‘If I upset someone, feel free to leave.' he paused and a few people left the crowd. Niall shook his head in desbelief. 'That's better. For those of you who stayed, I’d like to remind you that your gifts are waiting under the Christmas tree. We’re celebrating Love and Family earlier this year. And, I’d like to thank my best friend, by my side as always, Niall Horan. This guy here, is precious.’ He put his hands on his heart and whispered thank you to Niall. The later hugged him and took the mic.

‘I just want to wish you an early merry Christmas. We won’t play on New Year’s Eve so here’s the last gig of the year people. I know, I know. Anyway’ he scrutinized the public. ‘ Thank you for this incredible semester. I missed you guys. Harry and I can't wait to spend the next year with you.' Someone shouted something and Niall laughed ' We ain't leaving you this time Jackson, promise.' he looked at Harry and grinned 'The next song was written by Hazza for one of my dearest mate. Harry?’ Harry was tensed and afraid.  He looked at Niall who nodded.

‘Liam and Zayn I reckon you had a mission, I hope you did your job. The next song is dedicated to _mon exquis_. ' Harry hesitated. People started gossiping again. They were all trying to find who Harry was talking about. Louis stopped. Harry stared at Niall and said something nobody caught. Niall quickly hugged him. Harry started to play the guitar, the lights went off.

 

 ‘This song is called Sweet Creature.’ Louis barely heard.

 

 _Sweet Creature Had another talk about where it’s going wrong_  Louis focused on Harry’s voice.  _But we’re still young, we don’t know where we going but we know where we_   _belong._

Harry had his eyes shut, he was focused, transcended.  _It’s hard when we argue_   _We both stubborn I know._  Louis’ heart skipped a beat. _Sweet Creature_   _Wherever I go you bring home._ Harry’s veins were visible, he was looking at his guitar, his fingers fretting gracefully the cords.  _When I run out of road You bring me hom_ e  Louis was speechless. Harry opened his eyes again, he was on the verge of tears. He looked at Niall who smiled to encourage him. The room was utterly silent, hanging up to his words.  _I always think about you and how we don’t speak enough._

 

Louis suddenly forgot how to breathe. It was the most beautiful song Harry had sung so far. He wasn’t singing the usual sex-related lyrics. It was powerful enough to reach the skirts of Louis’ soul. In an epiphany, he realised that, indeed, the prince owned his heart. He had tried and tried, Harry had reached him anyway. Touching his soul and mind. He looked at Harry once more and swore to himself that he would remember the scene for the rest of his days.

_Ohh, ohhh_  Harry shouted at the top of his lungs. Louis was high on him.

 _You bring me home, you bring me home._  Harry stopped singing, a round of applause broke the silence. Harry was peering at the crowd but didn’t find Louis. The later was looking at him though, trying to fix every detail into his memory.

 

Harry left Niall alone on stage and climbed down. Louis attempted to join him but people were circling him so he left the room and reached the front yard. He texted Harry.

 

Louis

_shitty fountain_

 

Nothing made sense, he needed a drink and a blunt. He came out of the house and sat on one of the benches around the fountain. Far enough to be alone, visible enough to be found. Minutes felt like eternity. Finally, he saw Harry coming out of the house, crossing the terrace and climbing down the stairs. He stood in front of Louis, the fountain on his back. His skin was glowing, his shirt out of his trousers, slightly opened.

 

‘Do you want to go to Norway for Christmas?’ he said out of the blue. He had put his hands behind his back.

‘Was it for me?’ he rubbed his hands together. The stone bench was frozen cold, it was burning his skin through the fabric of his jeans.

‘What?’ he frowned. He was trying to avoid Louis’ eye.

‘The song.  _Sweet Creature_.’

‘Yes.’ He swung sheepishly.

 

_Harry fucking Styles._

‘It’s a love song.’ Louis stated flabbergasted.

‘Did you like it?’ he asked biting his lip.

‘I don’t understand H. First you don’t want us to be friends, then you say we can't be together, I kiss try you and you reject me. You hurt me and then you write love songs for me. It doesn’t make any sense.’ 

‘You and I, what we have makes me free.’

‘Why would you reject me then?’

‘Cause I’m a poor choice but it doesn’t mean I don’t-’ Harry shook his head and breathed heavily. His jaw was clenched, he bit his lower lip.

‘You don’t what?’ Louis teased again. ‘Spit it out!’ he shouted arms wide-open. He stood up and stepped closer. The air was so cold it hurt to breathe. He faced Harry and caught his eye. ‘You don’t what huh?’ Louis was pissed, was it that hard to speak? Why was Harry suddenly all timid and hesitant? He looked away. ‘ ‘Thanks for the chat Lou.’ seriously ?!’ Harry clenched his jaw. It was painful to hear those words but Louis wouldn’t keep them anyway. He needed to let his frustration out, Harry needed to understand.

 

Harry put a hand on his cheek. Louis closed his eyes at the touch. He caressed his cheekbone gently and sighed. Harry was painfully frustrated. Louis could feel that the prince was trying, his touch was hesitant, not to break the fragile thread between what had been and what could be. 

 

‘I must reject you. I’m just a shell and you’re the light, aim for the stars Lou not me.’ Louis shook his head and smiled painfully, he had still his eyes closed. He couldn’t see Harry’s face, not yet. He could see him with the sound of his voice anyway. Disappointment, frustration, self-hatred.  Louis stepped closer and grabbed the rim of Harry’s tangerine suit jacket.

‘If you don’t think you’re enough why are you still trying?’

‘Cause the thought of you with someone else makes me lose my senses.’

‘If you want me then why are you not trying to be enough? Just try?’  He had to try, Harry wasn’t fighting anymore. If only Louis could show him, maybe stars would align and the incarnation would be complete. Harry’s lips parted like a dumb man.

 

‘You’re the song.’ Harry said lost in Louis’ eyes. His voice was so full of regrets, Harry was already mourning a love story that hadn’t happen. Harry looked away, and let his arms dropped on his side Louis was cold again.

Silent fell.

‘Give us a chance. ’ Louis was on the verge of tears now. He couldn’t give in, not when so close to end the pain. Louis searched for words that could miraculously save the day, he grabbed Harry’s arm immediately.

‘I would love to go to Norway with you.’ Harry’s eyes were shiny. He was so deeply exhausted it felt like his body had shut down already. He looked at Louis and opened his mouth but didn’t utter a single word.  ‘You could be so much more than enough if you just tried. Don’t you dare think you’re anything but deserving. I know I cannot save you. But _you_ can. And I, I can be here to support you while you're healing. You and I, let it happen. You make me _feel._ ’ Louis added. The world stopped spinning.

 

Harry cupped Louis’ face. He was peering at him intensely. Louis put his hands on his waist, between his suit jacket and his shirt, it felt insanely good. Harry was flabbergasted, scrutinizing Louis’ face as if it were a rare artifact, an enigma to solve. Louis remembered the pool incident, he had looked at him the same way.  _What if I can’t?_   _Wouldn’t you lose interest?_  

He came closer and closer hesitantly. He caressed Louis’ lower lip with his thumb. He came closer and put his hand back on Louis’ jaw line. His lips were caressing Louis’ now. He stopped and frowned. Louis’ heart was beating so fast, his whole body was clenched.

 _Please don’t stop._  His heart begged.  

Louis closed his eyes and focused on the softness of Harry’s touch. His hands were warm and solid, they felt like home. He smelled Harry’s perfume and breath, lemon and cherry coke. Eventually Harry pressed his lips against Louis’, caressing Louis’ left cheek with his thumb. It was so soft and light, almost ingénue. Louis felt so dizzy he was sure to fall if Harry hadn’t cupped his face.

 

'Do you really want to be loved by someone who struggles with himself?' He kissed him again. ‘You deserve more than that.’

‘I deserve someone who’ll treat me right and love me as much as he can. I deserve someone who’ll never stop trying. Someone who’ll genuinely care and work for a healthy relationship. Can you do that?’ Harry scrunched his nose and kissed him again a smirk on his face.

‘I can do that.’ Harry murmured tenderly against Louis’ lips. Their eyes were still closed. Louis wasn’t ready to let go. He put his forehead against Harry and caressed his back. He made sure to push Harry closer and licked his ear. Harry sighed, ‘If you keep doing that I’m going to do much more than treating you right.’

 

‘We should go back inside.’ Louis whispered into Harry’s mouth. He was drunk on him. He wanted more. It wasn’t what Louis had expected, it was better.

 

The prince scrunched his nose, Louis grabbed Harry’s hand. He pressed his palm against his lips. He kissed Harry’s skin as he kissed his lips, soft and slow. He didn’t close his eyes this time and looked straight at the prince. _Hot_. Harry wanted to run his hand through his hair, wrap his arms around his neck, bite his lips, breathe Louis in.

He felt the urge to be above him, feel his weight against his own body, to taste him and let the warmth of his skin consume his soul. They were burning from desire. Harry trying to kiss him again, Louis avoiding the contact, delighted by his silly game.

‘What’s that for?’ Harry asked raising his eyebrows.

‘For leaving me when I was aching to fuck you.’

 

 

 


	7. With you I belong.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love him, and that's the beginning and end of everything.

 

‘I never got to compliment you on your tattoos. I like them.’ Harry said kissing Louis’ compass. ‘First time I saw them I lost it, what were the odds of them matching? The cage, the birds, the compass and ship. Even the bracelet and card.’

‘I got the dagger though. Cause I’m the rogue and you’re the incorrigible romantic.’ Louis said caressing Harry’s rose.

‘What I would do for love, not even close to the foolishness I would do for you.’

‘Like what?’ Louis said dragging Harry against his body. It was a cold morning but Harry’s skin was burning under the sheets.

‘Like changing my lifestyle, rethinking my behaviours, relationships and identity. Like believing in myself and allowing myself to hope. Dropping my crown and the play.’ Harry said against Louis’ lips.

‘You forgot replacing your notebook shelf by relaxing colouring books.’ Louis said kissing him softly while running his hands through his curls. Harry laughed in between two kisses.

‘I want a peaceful setting for my soon-to-be boyfriend.’

‘I hope you’re talking about me.’ Louis said running his hands along Harry’s butt. His briefs were so thin Louis could feel his lean muscles. Harry adjusted himself to get friction and nodded yes against Louis’ mouth. ‘I like baby steps though. I was tired of sleeping alone.’

Harry smirked and kissed Louis’ cheek, jaw line, neck and chest. He pushed the covers away and went down a bit to be able to kiss Louis’ tummy. He licked his hipbone down the rim of his briefs and Louis sighed trying his best not to think about Harry warm mouth around his cock.

‘Enjoy your sleep while it lasts. I won’t let you rest once you’re my boyfriend.’ He said against Louis’ skin before leaving the bedroom.

⁎

‘It’s so hard lad. I swear I’m going nuts.’ Louis said taking a puff.  Nicotine didn’t make up for Louis’ desire to sleep with Harry. ‘But he wants to make things right, to build our relationship steps by steps. I respect that.’ Louis said proud of the prince. He didn’t share his bed in a while. That’s something and I can see he’s slowly recovering his inner peace. Baby steps, that’s the key.’

‘I’m happy he finally opened his eyes. I wasn’t sure he would drop his mask you know? It must be so hard for him to quit his habits and fight that sick comforting toxicity. I can’t imagine what he’s going through right now. But you make him want to love himself, and for that, I’m forever grateful.’ Niall said grabbing Louis by the shoulder. ‘I also think you’ve finally found someone that turns your world upside down.’ Niall said smiling like a fool at Louis who tried his best not to blush.

‘I find someone myself.’ Niall added letting Louis go. ‘Hailee Morisson.’

‘What? The barista from the coffee house down my apartment? That’s why I don’t see you at The Elephant House anymore you cheater.’

⁎

‘Please Ginna, grab some clean towels before the rush.’ Louis said brewing a cup of coffee for Ms.Missy. ‘Here love, it’s a bit hot.’ He said smiling tenderly at the old lady. He looked at the dirty table and sighed, ‘I hate Christmas time, they come here just for an Insta post and go without cleaning their shit.’ Louis murmured to Ginna who laughed.

“ Hashtag hot chocolate.’ She replied before turning around and peer at Harry who was just coming in. ‘Look who’s here. Baby boyfriend on his way.’

 

Harry was wearing a black velvet suit, cord trousers and a long black coat. His cheeks were reddened by the cold outside, one of his curls, getting out of his beanie. He placed his mallet on a single chair table, took off his coat and beanie and went at the counter.

‘White chocolate cookie and black coffee. No sugar.’ Louis said smirking but Harry pouted.

‘It’s not a white chocolate day, let’s opt for the butternut and carrot cake.’ Harry said before going back to his favourite table. Louis brought him everything and as he was turning his heels Harry grabbed him by his belt and made him bend forward.

‘Thank you.’ He said against Louis’ lips. ‘I needed to work but this silly heart of mine was aching to see you. I’m one of those people who write essays in coffee houses now.’ Louis smiled at him and kissed him back.

‘See you at 5 Big Boy.’

 

The afternoon went smoothly, at one point Louis forgot Harry was even here. He was so silent, composed and the other customers so loud.

‘He’s been staring at you for hours.’ Ginna said looking at Harry who winked. ‘I wish someone would love me this much.’

 

⁎

‘What do you mean by ‘we don’t have a living room anymore’?’ Liam said to Niall through the phone. Zayn looked at Louis who shrugged. ‘Tomorrow? Ok come here then. We’ll go to your place tomorrow.’

‘So, apparently Harry has decided to redecorate their living room so we can’t go tonight but Niall is coming.’

Louis grabbed his phone and texted Harry

Mon tendre

_Please Hazza, I want an alpine-green velvet couch. And neons! Love always, your Lou. X_

⁎

The very next day the three roommates went to Niall and Harry’s place, the alpine-green velvet couch was massive and majestic. There were some cactus and a big globe, frames with new pictures. It was breathtakingly chic and yet so simple.

‘Look.’ Harry said kissing Louis’ forehead. He grabbed Louis’ chin and indicted him where to look. There was a blue neon light, it was a smile with crosses instead of the eyes and a green one on the opposite wall, letters which formed ‘Sweet Creature’.

Louis walked across the room and peered at the details, he looked at the frames, there was a picture of Niall and Harry on a boat, a picture of Liam Harry and Zayn from the Halloween party and many pictures of Harry and his dads. The last frame was a picture of Harry and Louis forehead against forehead during a party Louis didn’t remember.

‘Liam took it, I thought it would find its place within the family pictures.’ Harry said hugging Louis from behind. His arms were large, warm and strong, Louis couldn’t help being lulled. Harry was still hesitant, Louis could tell the prince had to genuinely think about what was appropriate or not. Sebastian had messed up with him on such level. Harry was trying his best to show his attachment properly, no room for toxicity whatsoever.  

‘My father is coming tomorrow night. I want you to meet him.’

⁎

‘I didn’t know your father was vegetarian too.’ Louis said biting into a carrot. Harry was wearing a plain grey suit and an apron, he was simply dressed and yet so elegant. ‘I don’t know anything about him really.’

‘You’ll get to know him tonight.’ Harry said bustling around, Louis could tell he was nervous, it was a first. Louis couldn’t help being curious, Harry would never talk about his dad who was still alive. Louis only knew that Laurent Styles had bought the music school and was always travelling. That meant he was rich, a musician and more importantly an absent father.

Louis knew too well how it felt to have absent parents, he knew how lost Harry must have felt, how lonely and unloved.

‘I bought you a tux. Pigeon-blue to suit your eyes. I’ll be wearing my burgundy Gucci suit with my transparent black shirt so if you get bored you can always peer at my nipples.’ Harry said very seriously.

‘Why would I get bored? You never cease to entertain me Mr. Styles and I can’t wait to meet Laurent.’ Louis said pronouncing his name in a perfect French accent. Harry looked at him and bit his lip, Louis speaking another language was music to his ears and hot as fuck.

 

‘So your mother lives in Tokyo? Jaden and I went there a couple of times. I love that place.’ Laurent said peering at Harry with gleaming eyes. By the way he was looking at his son, Harry and Jaden must have been similar. Just like that Louis felt an immense sadness, he would never get to know Harry’s other father.

Louis looked at Harry who was now peering mindlessly at the ‘Sweet Creature’ neon.

‘I never went there but I probably should. I miss my mom.’ Louis admitted, Laurent smiled at him, Louis could tell talking about Jaden was still upsetting. You never cease to ache for the one you’ve lost.

‘I missed Harry too. That’s why I came back, I wanted to ask you to come to Rio with me.’ Laurent said digging his fork into the pie. Louis couldn’t believe his ears, Rio. He looked at Harry who didn’t react.

‘Harry?’ His father inquired gently and finally Harry looked at him. ‘Do you want to go to Rio with me? Before Christmas. I remembered your trip to Norway but you still have a free week before that.’

‘Yes, of course.’ Harry said looking at Louis strangely, it lasted a split second but it was enough for Louis to worry for the rest of the supper.

 

Laurent finally left the mansion, Harry decided to play the piano. Louis stood there, his elbows on the piano, watching Harry without a word.

‘I’m sorry. Please don’t come to the conclusion that I hate my dad. I love him. But sometimes, like today, he embodies loss, everything we could have been my other father and I. He reminds me that what we could have been will never happen because he’s dead. And as much as I want Laurent and I to build strong ties, I cannot.’

‘Do you want to tell me why?’ Louis inquired, sitting next to Harry who had now stopped playing.

‘Because, a part of me keeps thinking it’s two parents or nothing. I know it’s wrong. I know he’s there and he’s making efforts to build something. It’s been so long since he tried but I cannot let go. Yet, I don’t want him to get hurt thinking I love my other dad more.’

‘I don’t think that’s why he’s hurt. He missed him too, that’s so obvious when he looks at you. I think you remind him of Jaden more than you can imagine. You two need to talk about this, Harry you’re not a bad son because you miss your dad. You’re not a bad son because you want to get closer to Laurent either.’

‘I don’t even know how to be a son.’ Harry said hiding his face between his hands. Louis brought his right hand to pet Harry’s hair and kissed his shoulder.

‘No one is asking you to close the book and never read it again love. But maybe you could write another chapter with Laurent? You said it yourself, it’s been so long, maybe it’s time to make an effort too. You two are so lonely, you deserve this.’

 

Harry’s shoulders were moving slightly, he was crying.

‘Jaden will be watching you, he’ll be so proud and happy to see you both reconciled.’ Louis said softly, just like that Harry opened his arms and held Louis tight, burying his head into Louis’ neck.

‘Thank you so much Lou.’ Louis heard Harry whisper between two sobs.

⁎

 

Here they were, Christmas time, Norway. Niall was drinking a hot chocolate, wrapped up in a white blanket, and a Christmas green jumper with actual lights on it. Zayn and Harry were cooking, the whole chalet smelled like cinnamon, orange and caramel. Liam and Louis were decorating the small Christmas tree, Liam was wearing the jumper Zayn had bought it for the occasion, a red woolen jumper with Santa Claus smiling on it.

 

‘Nah. Definitely not.’

‘Why?’ Liam muttered, trying to put the angel at the top of the tree.

‘Because a star is better.’ Louis made the angel fall and put the star. Liam pushed it back.

‘Boys. Could you stop just for once. No fight.’ Zayn scolded.

'Sorry babe.' Liam said obviously adoring his bossiness.

‘Fuck you.’ Louis added. Zayn and Niall barked but Harry stared at Louis.

‘Language Tomlinson.’ he said cutting one orange. Hot. Louis raised his eyebrows. ‘ In this house we celebrate diversity. Put them both.’

 

Louis tried to hide his fond, Harry Styles giving orders? Kink.

 

They spent the day playing chess, dancing with a glass of wine and just enjoying each other company really. Louis was beaming, strangers a few months before, they were a family now. The dishes were insanely tasty. Everyone had eaten for two. They had only drunk red wine so they were all quite tipsy, the kind of drunk that makes you laugh for nothing and makes you want to go on an adventure.

‘Let’s have a walk.’ Harry proposed. ‘Then we’ll open the gifts.’ He stood up and dragged Louis gently. He looked at lips long enough for the others to notice it.

‘Are you a couple yet?’ Niall inquired. Harry and Louis broke their embrace and Louis gave him a finger.

 

The sky was completely pitch dark, and to Louis surprise it was not as cold as one could have imagined. The snow under their feet felt thin and light. There was three maybe four other chalets downhill, all lighten up. Outside, Only the five of them and the infinite night. Niall and Liam were laughing, Zayn was behind them, peering at the view, aghast. Harry looked at Louis and smiled, a smile so bright even the darkness of the night was powerless. Louis stopped and made sure Harry would too.

 

‘Look.’ Harry said pointing at the sky, northern lights were slowly appearing in the sky, green and blue, mingling together. It was breathtakingly beautiful.

‘Thank you.’ Louis said looking back at Harry, everything was so soft. It felt insanely sweet after what they have been through. He wasn't only thanking him for the trip, Harry knew that.

‘You didn’t kiss me back.’ Harry said out of the blue. He had his hands behind his back, as usual when he would feel uncomfortable. Louis laughed and looked at the others, they were captivated by the sky.

 

‘You didn’t ask.’ Louis teased stepping closer. He replaced Harry’s beanie softly. Harry put his hands around his waist. Louis smelt Harry’s perfume even through the coat. His neck was soft and burning, Louis caressed Harry’s skin with his nose and Harry made a strange nose.

‘Cold.’ He giggled. It sounded like heaven in Louis’ ears. Louis kissed his cheek.

‘Here’s your kiss.’ Harry pretended to be annoyed, Louis placed his hands to cup Harry’s face.

‘Now  _kiss_  me you fool.’ Harry added hastily.

 

Louis softly pressed his lips against Harry plump mouth. The warmth of the touch competed with their frozen noses. Louis pressed harder to taste the prince. Harry held him tighter. Louis bit Harry’s lower lip and stepped away to look at Harry. The later had his eyes closed so Louis gave him one last kiss and Harry smiled. He opened his eyes and shook his head.

 

‘What?’ Louis teased pretending not to know that Harry was trying to keep his self-control. He looked at Louis in such way that he made him blushed. Harry’s imagination was so blatant even Louis could read the script. Skin against skin, soft touches, wet mouths, hip thrusts, Harry sliding down the inside of his thighs…

 

‘Hey!’ Niall shouted. ‘It’s midnight! Let’s go back! I want my presents!’

 

⁎

‘For you.’ Niall handed the package to Louis. It was small and light. Louis opened it, it was a card with a username and a password.

‘Well I thought about a car, a villa, giving you one of my organs but I figured this would be more useful. It basically gives you access to any data you want for a year. Books, essays, manifestos and shit.’ Louis hugged him so tight Niall lifted him. ‘I also paid in advance for our French lessons next semester. Merry Christmas and happy birthday mate.’

‘You passed. You don’t need me anymore.’ Louis teased.

 

Niall offered to Zayn and Liam a four-day trip to Italy and to Harry, silk slippers and a donut. Apparently, it was a thing, every year they would buy silly stuff to each other for the sake of it. The year before Niall had offered a lighter to Harry and had got a rubber in exchange. 

Harry offered them one more gift, a painting for Zayn, dance classes for Liam and an umbrella for Niall.

'I just want to say that I'm glad to be here with you guys, Liam you're the best boyfriend on earth. ' he kissed him. 'Louis, well it's been a tough year but I'm glad you made it through and you're me best mate, I'm happy to have you.' he stood up and hugged him. Then Zayn turned to Niall and Harry 'I'm happy to have you back, Ni. I missed you. And Hazza.' Harry swung sheepishly 'I'm glad you're my friend, I like you Fancy.' he hugged them. 

Liam stood up and brought the birthday cake for Louis. The later disappeared for a while and eventually come back with a gift.

‘Before the candles. Merry Christmas Mr. Styles.’ Louis winked at Harry who blushed. Niall looked at Harry and wasn’t even trying to hide his fond, Zayn and Liam were smiling at Louis, it felt overwhelmingly cheesy.

Harry took the gift and softly unfolded the paper. His burgundy suit was stunning and yet it wasn’t doing him justice. The guy was outrageously beautiful. His beauty was ethereal.

 

‘Your birthday gift is not ready yet.’ He muttered, focused on Louis.’

‘It’s okay. Open it.’ Louis said hastily.

 

It was a black book diary, Harry read the first page: ‘ Reasons why you don't need a crown to be a prince and other attempts to make you love yourself. by Louis Tomlinson.’ was written on the page. Harry didn’t dare read the other pages. He  closed the diary and grinned. The brightest smile Louis had ever witnessed, Harry was on the verge of tears, timid and absolutely too cute for this world. Louis' heart skipped a beat. Harry was trying his best to say something but words were stuck into his throat.

 

He seemed off, Niall frowned at Zayn who suppressed a laugh and Liam gave the 'not cool to mock a friend' look at Niall. Harry was by far the most charming guy the world had ever had the chance to witness and yet he was all sheepish and shy when it came to Louis.

 ‘You like it?’ Louis asked trying to help.

 

Harry put the book on the tea table and hugged Louis so tight he could feel his pounding heartbeat. Louis felt as if his body had been waiting his all life to reconnect with Harry's warmth.

‘I don’t know what to say.’ he murmured into his ear. His voice was shaking. Louis had crinkles by his eyes. He was smiling so hard his cheeks hurt. ‘Thank you.’

 

They watched  _The Grinch_  and eventually Niall fell asleep on the couch, Zayn and Liam on the carpet near the fireplace. Louis and Harry sat in silence in the other couch, Louis petting Harry’s hair until the prince become all sleepy.

‘Let’s go to bed big man.’ Harry muttered something on his skin, Louis shivered. ‘I don’t speak GrumpyHazza. Let’s go.’

 

They spent the following days discovering the country. Harry would steal a kiss from time to time, they would fall asleep next to each other, fingers intertwined. 

 

‘Louis?’ Harry caressed his cheek. ‘You need to wake up.’ Louis grumbled. They had partied in the capital the night before, Louis was totally hangover. ‘Take a shower, breakfast is served. We need to leave in an hour, otherwise you’ll miss your birthday gift.’ Harry kissed him on his forehead. 

 

‘Enjoy your birthday.’ Niall grinned. Of course he knew what was going on.

‘Until next year.’ Harry offered solemnly.

 

Paris. They were going to Paris. Harry had kept the surprise until they had arrived to the airport. Louis was walking on water.

 

‘I’ll have to blindfold you when we land.’

 

Harry was holding Louis’ hand, they took a cab and walked a bit. They climbed some stairs, Louis almost tumbled but he kept the mask.

Harry opened a door. He smelt like wood and old books.

‘You can take it off.’ Louis gasped. The apartment was insane. There were a massive rococo antique sofa, moldings and trims, tapestries on the walls. It looked like the apartment of some baroque king.

‘Harry.’

‘Happy birthday Louis.’ Harry said proudly.

‘I don’t want to ever leave this place.’ he hugged Harry, he was the happiest. 

‘Well it’s yours now so you’re free to stay.’ Harry caressed Louis’ ear.

‘What??’ he stepped back aghast.

‘It’s yours. You don’t have to find a place to stay next year now. I presume you still want to study here next year?’

'Only if you stay with me cause I don't-'

'With pleasure.'

‘You’re fucking insane.’ Louis cupped his face and kissed him, it wasn’t the usual ingénue kisses, Louis was thirsty.

 

He unbuttoned Harry’s coat and let it fall on the floor. Harry looked at him and licked his lip. Louis took off his coat and watch Harry unbuttoning his shirt.

‘Let me do it.’ He took the turn, unbuttoning Harry’s shirt slowly, he looked at Harry who smirked.

 

Louis took his time to kiss his jaw line. Harry unbuttoned Louis’ jeans. The later kissed his ear, not forgetting to bite his earlobe on the way. He kissed his neck, just under his ear, Harry let out a moan. He dragged Louis closer and put his hands under the fabric of his jeans. Both were swinging slightly, searching for friction.

‘What do you want big guy?’ Louis mouthed on Harry’s lips, he smirked and lifted Louis. The later wrapped his thighs around Harry’s waist and Harry carried him to the bedroom. He let himself fall on the bed.

 

‘Want to hear you moan.’ Harry finally replied. He took off Louis’ vans and socks and removed his jeans. He peered at Louis’ bulge and smirked slightly. He took off his own shoes and before he could unbutton the rest Louis sat at the edge of the bed so as to face Harry’s belly.

‘I said, let me do it.’ He looked up at Harry and kissed his butterfly. He put his hands on his back and kept kissing his skin. Harry exhaled deeply and took out a condom from the back pocket. He threw it on the bed and put his fingers through Louis’ hair.

Louis licked Harry’s skin from his nipple to his navel. He let himself fall on his knee and circled the button of his trousers. Unbuttoned Harry’s trousers so slowly it was torture. It fell on his ankles. Louis lifted Harry leg, the other and put the trousers away. Harry looked down at him and shook his head.

‘What?’ Louis said before kissing his lower belly, just above the rim of his pants.

‘You gonna pay for that.’ He assured but Louis snorted and started to kiss his thighs. To his delight, Harry’s bulge was getting bigger.

 

He removed his pants and kissed his skin again, just above his cock. Harry was losing his self-control, Louis didn’t hide his pride. He kissed him once more, purposely avoiding Harry’s bulge. Harry laughed.

‘Bed.’ He commanded while grabbing Louis’ hand and lifting him.

He put his body on Louis, and circled Louis’ cock with his large hand. ‘Fuck’ Louis moaned.

His palm ran along his shaft, Louis put his hands on Harry’s butt and dug his nails. Harry groaned, heaven to Louis’ ears. Harry’s palm was wet and hot, pumping up and down torturingly slow. Harry’s own cock was painfully swollen inside his pants. He stopped his moves and removed it, he looked at Louis who was begging for his palm again and removed his pants.

They were finally completely naked. Harry laid on Louis again and thrust his hips, Louis moaned. Everything was blurred, he could only think about his cock already dripping and sticky.

Harry kissed his neck, his collarbone, his chest down his butterfly. Louis put his hands around Harry’s neck and exhaled deeply. Louis was burning from desire. He only wanted Harry to fuck him rough and fast. Harry went further down, licking his belly and reached his cock. He took it with his large palm and circled the head with the tip of his tongue. Louis silenced a moan.

‘That’s all you can do big boy?’ he teased and Harry took him into his mouth. His plump lips circling Louis’ shaft, rough and fast, Louis entire body shivered with pleasure and Harry slowed down immediately. ‘fucker.’ Louis mumbled between his teeth. Harry teased back, sucking fast again. Louis wasn’t going to last long, he cupped Harry’s face and caught his eye.

‘On your back.’ Louis commanded. They switched and looked at each other. Louis cock was missing Harry’s throat already.

‘You gonna fuck me or what?’ Harry teased. Flashbacks of a Harry in the water hit Louis.

 

Louis shook his head and started to pump Harry’s cock up and down. He was torturingly playing with the head. Harry’s jaw was clenched, his eyes closed. Louis fucked him with his mouth. Harry thrust to reach the back of Louis’ throat. The later grabbed Harry’s balls and the prince let out a guttural moan.

He sucked harder and faster, he slid his index into Harry’s hole, he panted, his knees were trembling. He played with Harry’s cock and butthole for a moment, sliding his finger in and out, sucking up and down. Harry’s cock fitted perfectly, of fucking course. He slipped a second finger and look at Harry’s reaction. Harry whimpered and mumbled something. His hands were still running through Louis’ hair.

‘What did you say?’ Louis teased, licking Harry’s head.

‘I said fuck me.’ Harry begged.

'I thought you were a top?' Louis said licking the vein of Harry's dick. 

'Don’t get me wrong. I will fuck you. But right now I want you to fuck me.' He was bossy yet begging. Hot.

‘Stop whining.’ Louis attempted to kiss his cock once more but Harry dragged him closer and put his thighs around him. Louis was overwhelmed, dizzy, drunk on the prince. Harry’s body was shaking but still solid. He grabbed the condom, and opened it looking straight at Louis. He circled Louis’ cock and put it on.

‘I’m the one who gives orders Louis.’ He breathed into Louis’ mouth. He rocked his hips against Louis’ cock and let it all in, all the ways to his balls. Louis grunted and gripped Harry’s neck tightly. It took every fiber of his strength not to come. Harry was tight it felt like his cock had split him open. Louis starting to rock his hips slowly, making sure to slide the whole length of his shaft every time.

He pulled his cock out and Harry cried brokenly. Louis pulled in again, deeper and slower this time, Harry dug his nails into Louis’ back and thrust deeper. Louis wouldn’t last long. He slid in and out, deeper, faster, Harry moaning louder ever time. Harry fists gripped the bed sheets so tightly his knuckles turned white. Louis was lost in Harry’s neck, sweat, musk and desire.

‘Gonna come.’ Harry muttered, almost painfully.  Louis’ cock hit his prostate, Harry’s body was so tensed, he curled his back and wrapped his arms around Louis. Louis gave a few more thrusts and Harry let out a muffled grunt, Louis gave one last thrust, filling the prince to the brim. Louis rode their orgasm out and they both collapsed.

 

They laid there, eyes closed, soft touches, warm breaths. Louis kept his eyes closed in case everything was a dream. It couldn’t possibly be real. He was in Paris, in  _his_  bedroom, he had discovered the pleasures of the prince. Eventually he opened his eyes and finally took a glance at the room.

The room was like the living room, moldings, rococo furniture, antique curtains. Louis looked at Harry’s body, his strong arms and back, the dimples just above his butt, Louis was on fire.  Harry was caressing his tummy, his touch was so light Louis had to focus to feel it.

‘Shit it felt so good.’ Harry mumbled into Louis’ neck. ‘ I’m pretty sure you and I didn’t happen only in this life. It felt like a homecoming. Maybe we were lovers back to ancient Greece.’ Harry finished, smiling against Louis’ skin.

‘Eating figs and making love under the sun and olive trees, sounds like us.’ Louis said petting Harry’s hair.

‘I was so lost when we first met. Those times feel so uncanny now. With you I belong.’ Harry said his lips caressing Louis’ chest.

‘When I first saw you, you were lost. But when I saw the real you, I was found.’

 Everything had come to order. No more pain, no more fight. Harry had let go and they were now the luckiest men on earth. It genuinely was a homecoming. They kept cuddling, lulled by the tenderness of their limerence. There was still so much issues to work out, so many demons yet to kill but for the first time in a very -very- long time, they had something to hold on to.

Louis was found and Harry anchored.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading this. I can't believe it's done. Don't hesite to comment and feel free to share it. 
> 
> Remember that you are strong and deserving. Believe in yourself and just hold on. 
> 
> Until next time,  
> All the love and thankfulness
> 
> D xx

**Author's Note:**

> dm me if you want to be my betas for the next fics !
> 
> Xx


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